What is it with so called five-star restaurants? Some are fantastic but, to be completely honest, I am just not a fan of the concept.

The Sunshine Coast has plenty of award-winning eateries and most are well patronised and, indeed, loved by patrons who enjoy the whole dining experience.

I was once called a “pub person” by someone who worked in fine dining and, at the time, I was offended. But they were 90% correct.

I have realised as I have become older that one of the facets of my bizarre personality is the less fuss the better.

I really don’t want someone hovering about my table flapping my napkin around and topping up my water glass or telling me how clever the chef is for wrapping a tiny quail in pastry and calling it some type of exotic roll when all it really reminds me of is one of my wife’s budgies, albeit not quite as well fed, before it’s demise.

Of course there are plenty of wine lovers who only order the food because they have to so they can get on with the wine experience.

But, again, I’m not a big fan of that either.

I am not interested in someone telling me what time of the year or what direction the sun glowed on a particular grape that made the wine I am about to scoff down unique.

I have been involved in the hospitality industry for a while and I struggle to tell the difference between at $10 bottle of red and something far more expensive.

In my uncultured world I treat wine like art. If I like it the rest doesn’t really matter.

I bring this up because of a couple of reasons.

Firstly, a couple of weeks ago my wife and I went out with some friends to a local restaurant and it was truly a great experience... great company, service, ambience and dining.

I remember thinking that maybe my tastes had changed.

Had I all of sudden decided that I now enjoyed the finer things in life?

Or maybe it was the $15 Rolex that I bought in India.

Maybe I had turned into a brand person.

But a week later I was reminded of what I really like and dislike in a dining experience. I’ll give you the dislike first.

I was in North Queensland with a friend of mine and his work associate and we had a couple of beers and decided it was time to eat.

Now they wanted to go fine dining but I talked them into takeaway fish and chips as I am addicted to a particular shop’s calamari.

So, as we were walking to the shop, the ideas guy with us spotted a fine-dining spot and we ended up in there.

At the moment I am on a diet to raise money for a couple of worthy causes and to stay alive.

But it is a dangerous thing, dieting. Not the exercising or the food but, rather, substituting scotch for beer to try to keep the calories down.

So I am not sure whether it was the scotch or the reality that the head man in this restaurant had stolen the world’s best calamari from me. But I took an instant dislike to him and his overpriced joint.

Having been on the receiving end of a number of difficult customers in my time I always make a point of behaving myself even if the service is terrible.

But the thing about this bloke was that there was nothing wrong with the service, the food or anything else apart from the price and one other thing... his attitude.

It was like a scene out of a Basil Fawlty episode. In fact, he made Basil look friendly.

When we left and he inquired how our night was, I stunned all and sundry when I told him it was fine but it wouldn’t have hurt if he had thrown a couple of smiles in with the bill.

But he did do me a favour. He brought me back to reality. I am just not the bloke for anywhere with someone with a napkin draped over their arm.

Funnily enough, I might even not be a pub person anymore.

Give me Mio Spazzio, Habits Bar or Vast Interiors Café-style dining any day of the week. I will be happy and so will the staff.