What about my joint?

I live with my wife and one son in what could only be described as a zoo, but I must admit there is never a dull moment.

I have written about dogs and birds and others over the last few years but I have never mentioned our axolotil.

Yes, you may well ask, “what the hell is that?”

I think it is best described as an underwater lizard, or a cat fish with legs, but if I use either of those descriptions I get a clip over the head from the zoo keeper...oops, Sheila.

“It’s an amphibian you idiot and his name is Morton.”

A little bit of background.

About six months ago we bought Morton at the markets from a guy called “Wayne” who wears a hat made out of beer cans, sells axolotils and gold fish out of the back of an XD falcon and has a wit as sharp as a razor.

We got a few one-liners, a brief history and how to care for axolotils all for $15, and they live for 15 years.

A bargain, or so I thought.

We had an old fish tank in the shed and I presumed that would be Morton’s new home, but I was wrong.

Of course, to add to bargain price we ended up getting a Rolls Royce, state-of-the-art fish tank with every known fixture and fittings that any well bred axolotil would expect.

Well nearly.

So Morton came into our home and got fattened up like most everyone that lives there, except Lilly our bitzer who to this day is the only living thing that has defied that trend.

But as the weather got hot our little friend started losing weight and was off his food – a thing which is uncommon in our place.

After lengthy research on the internet and phone calls to UnderWater World it was discovered by the zoo keeper that because of the warmer weather old mate’s water was too hot and as it got warmer he lost more weight.

But with a determination that is unsighted when I am ailing, Sheila started freezing water bottles and putting them in the tank to get the temperature down.

But it was obvious it would require other methods as well.

I would like to point out at this stage that on stinking hot days if I leave the house and leave a fan on or, shock horror, the air-conditioning going I am abused vigorously.

But with Morton it was a whole other story.

The fan was running 24/7 and yes, the air-conditioning as well. But there was only minor improvements in his health.

More Google research and I was informed that he needed a chiller for his tank.
Yes, we were moving into the refrigeration department which is always scary.

The zoo keeper has refused to buy anything on-line for fear of internet theft over the years but all of a sudden the other night she yells from her desk, “I have joined E-Bay”.

I only just heard her over the sound a mouthful of barbecue chips and Kath and Kim on the telly and sort of disregarded until the next day.

“Guess what, I bought a chiller for only $300 on the internet. Bargain!”

It was like that advert for Australia Post when the mail box ends up in the bed, because shortly after that statement it arrived, with its Chinese instructions.

No idea how to put it together but backward in coming forward has never been a problem so off I went to see old mate at the Mooloolaba Aquarium and Aviary Centre who was happy to help, probably so he could get rid of me.

Now since Morton’s water is a crispy 19.5 degrees, things are on the improve for everybody.

So the next time we were at the markets Sheila proudly told the axolotil salesman with the beer hat what she had done and he replied, “You should have just bricked it and got another one.”

That went over like a lead balloon. In my mind it was sound advice financially but unless I wanted to live permanently in icy conditions I was overjoyed Morton the priceless amphibian was on the road to recovery.