Promising more fireworks than Ike and Tina Turner; more emotion than the Captain and Tenille; WAY more chemistry than Bert and Patti; more harmony than Gilbert and Sullivan and a few more laughs than Daryl and Ossie the Ostrich, thedaily.com.au’s own Zac and Vanessa, Nathanael Cooper and Rebecca Marshall are truly a match made in television heaven.

As we wave farewell to another ratings season in TV-land, they give their take on the highlights and lowlights of the small screen year that was. (Warning: the following blog runs longer than a Hobart-induced rain delay in the cricket, so grab a coffee, smoke them if you’ve got them and settle in for the ride.)

NAT: And what a year it has been, with the introduction of some brilliant new Aussie dramas, trashy reality television series and the ABC having an impact in the ratings war for the first time in history.

So on that note, I would like to make an honourable mention to the Chaser’s War on Everything for reminding people that the ABC is actually a television station, not just the first three letters of the alphabet. Their APEC stunt not only managed to bring down a multi-million-dollar security scheme, but also justified the millions of taxpayer dollars in one single episode.

BEC: Hear, hear. Good times, good times. I remember thinking, while being the 4 millionth person to watch the YouTube footage, how on earth could the Australian government spend all those millions and only manage to get security guards who were legally blind.

I mean, someone in the Chaser convoy had a handy-cam, for God's sake – plain as day! Alright, it wasn't a chunky, clunky JVC 1985 granddad special but it should have tipped them off to some silly-buggery in their midst.

Elsewhere this year and many thought the Chaser boys went way too far (no, not with their shameful and consistent attacks on the lovely Anna Coren, who is someone I personally bow down to as one of journalism's true guiding lights) but with their Eulogy Song crucifying society
for its hypocrisy over the famous dearly departed. If you have feathers, stand by to have them ruffled because to those of you who gasp and say "Disgraceful", let me say a resounding "Get over it people, it was funny".

Anyway, I'm over it myself, let's move on ... Let's nominate our best and worst TV moments of the year – with the "year" for me defined as the past two months, as I've forgotten pretty much everything before then.

Highlights: Damages; the return of Kath and Kim; the good-old-days network wars between Today Tonight and A Current Affair; seeing more locally made shows on air; axing of McLeod's Daughters (this poor horse died of a flogging two seasons ago!); the fast-tracking of shows with near simultaneous broadcast in the US and at home (although tsk, tsk, Channel Ten: Top Model was four seasons old!!); Wally Lewis's son on Home and Away – cute and not a bad actor; Summer Heights High: this Chris Lilley gold had all of us as excited as Mr G would be at the thought of hooking up with Rodney.

Lowlights: Daryl Somers reinstated as DWTS host – come on Seven, give Sonia the nod; hit and miss quality of locally made shows; WIN/Nine's atrocious programming choices/sudden timeslot switches; National Bingo – I'm not going to say it; the disappearance of Jana Wendt from our screens; the appearance of Eddie McGuire on our screens.

NAT: If you can’t say it, I surely will … there should be NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BINGO. I swear to God if I have to put up with another nanosecond of that show, I will actually join the Liberal Party, which obviously equates to a slow and painful death after the weekend’s election results.

I was a big fan of the Eulogy Song. It was a little tasteless, but we sledged these people in life so it is to be expected after they have snuffed their mortal coil and, like the trainwreck that is the Chaser every week, I couldn’t tear my eyes away.

A big highlight of the year had to be the return of So You Think You Can Dance and the announcement that we were getting our very own Australian version, hosted by none other than the sauciest minx of them all, one Natalie Bassingthwaighte.

Although I was disappointed that Sabra took out the final gong (clearly the entire audience got dropped on their heads when she fell from the grace of Dominic’s shoulders earlier in the series), it was action-packed, nail-biting drama right to the very last moment.

The introduction of one of the best Aussie dramas ever, City Homicide, to our screens was possibly the most exciting television moment this year. Not only does it guarantee a Daniel MacPherson perve fest every Monday night, it is actually really good (Noni Hazlehurst can act and Shane Bourne can be serious).

Lowlights: The Neighbours “revamp” – I actually haven’t noticed anything change, just the acting getting worse; at least they brought Libby back. Australian Idol reaching new levels of boring and crapness including the worst winner’s song in the show’s history … and I thought nothing could be worse than Casey Donovan … in general. And the worst television moment … the cliffhanger at the end off All Saints. I am nearly considering never watching it again in protest at being left hanging like that.

BEC: Hmm, I can't be sure, but I think that is actually why they call them "cliffhangers". As in you, the viewer, symbolically teetering on the edge of a cliff and you have to wait like that, yearning for some closure, until ... oh forget it.

Yes, it has surely been another stellar year. As we all take a collective breath and recover from the ratings season, my sources have taken the time to inform me of the summer TV line-ups and the trench coat-wearing, chain-smoking deep throats surprised me when we held our most recent midnight meeting behind the Currimundi Red Rooster: there is actually something other than cricket on the box this summer.

On Nine, stand by for Extreme Makeover, Survivor and the AFI Awards (Dec 6). But be warned, their appalling programming record continues even in the off-season, with The New Adventures of Old Christine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus proving Seinfeld is an impossible act to follow … you will forever be known to us as Elaine, Julia, not Christine. Old OR new.) and Men In Trees (Anne Heche just creeps me out) also coming back.

In an interesting move, Nine is apparently going to run a movie in the 8.30pm timeslot most nights of the week – but not on Sunday.

(Note to programmers, who surely must rival amoeba for the zero intelligence/memory capacity crown: if you run ANY of the following movies, I cannot be held responsible for my actions, which may include bombing your studios. In every capital city. Simultaneously. Don’t think I’m joking: Back to the Future, For Richer or Poorer, Star Wars series, Back to the Future, Encino Man, Legends of the Fall, Horse Whisperer, Back to the Future, Stepmom, Home Alone, Free Willy, Back to the Future, The Santa Clause, My Girl, Beethoven, George of the Jungle, Three Men and a Baby, The Mummy, The Golden Child or Police Academy.

Here's a big, fat wake-up call for you, programmers: I think it's fairly safe to say we have all seen these movies on television, oh, I don't know, 15,786 TIMES PREVIOUSLY!!!!!! To prove it, would you like me to recite a few lines from the script? Huh? Would ya? McFly???)

And on Seven this summer, we can expect 30 Rock, Bones, The Amazing Race, That 70s Show (new eps) and The Simple Life.

Don't know about you, but I love non-ratings season. It's like I've been eating lettuce and tomatoes all year and for three glorious summer months, I can gorge myself on hamburgers, chips and deep-fried pineapple rings – all under the comfort of my air-conditioner. Aaahhhhh!

NAT: Ah there is nothing like the summer season of television. I’m disappointed to see that the stations aren’t rolling out anything new and spectacular in a “dipping of the toe in the water” to see if viewers will like it.

Who can forget the debacle that was Headland? There is nothing quite like watching a show that has been promoted within an inch of its life die like Cosima DeVito’s albums, with viewers jumping ship faster than they did on the Titanic and simultaneously watching the networks share price plummet. It’s usually much more entertaining than the show itself.

I see that our eyes, ears and brains will be tortured with more Simple Life. This show epitomises all that is evil on television and the stars of the show should be maimed in order to prevent them from ever poisoning our screens again.

I don’t understand why the channels can’t do some re-runs of shows that were successful during the year. Surely we could all do with another dose of Darryl and Dancing with The Stars. I mean his jokes are so funny the first time around, imagine them the second.

I guess it also provides us with a nice rest period before we brace ourselves for a spectacular 2008. Personally I am looking forward to watching Kyle Sandilands crash and burn in spectacular fashion. I mean. he is already the most hated man on television, and I think with him fronting Big Bro we can expect to see his already enormous mouth get even larger so he can ram both feet in simultaneously.

But at the end of the day it has been an exciting year of television which is great for entertainment purposes, not so great for my waistline. Perhaps I will start watching The Biggest Loser next year and do a real-time home style version, and make TV even more interactive.

BEC AND NAT: Happy viewing!

We'd love to hear your pics and pans for the 2007 TV year. Post a comment to share your viewing views.