Give more TV the Ramsay treatment, I say.

That’s right. Dress it down, slap it around, get in its face and sprinkle it liberally with expletives until the f****** cows come home.

Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares (Tuesday and Thursday, 8.30pm, WIN) is entertainment with a capital E.

And you know a show is good if it gets two prime-time slots each week. Although, there are exceptions to this rule: how that damn Susie can be allowed to take up HOURS of television, five days a week, is beyond me. Ready Steady Cook, Biggest Loser, Huey’s Cooking Adventures, Days of Our Lives, A Current Affair, It’s Academic, Beyond Tomorrow, SBS World News … really, the list goes on.

We’ll overlook the fact that Channel Nine did a bit of the old tripping-over-and-trying-to-look-cool-immediately-afterwards trick, by almost falling flat on its face and forgetting to include this show in the line-up.

But it’s alright, they’ve straightened themselves up and are now smiling confidently, as if they’d never tripped in the first place, scheduling Nightmares for an average 1.4 million happy Australians two nights a week.

Haven’t seen it? Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay, he of the pock-marked face who seasons his sentences with F-words almost as liberally as he seasons his cooking, observes a restaurant in crisis, suggests a turnaround strategy (usually involving an intense pep talk, a drastic menu change and some new curtains), and then checks up on the place some time later to see if his magic weave has remained woven.

There’s been lots of criticism leveled at Chef Ramsay for his brusque, abrupt and rude interaction with restaurant managers and staff.

But how else would you react if you were faced with a nutso chef who, when fired, has to be physically lifted up and carried out of the restaurant, laughing and singing the whole time?

How else would you react if the restaurant owner didn’t show up for work or forgot to buy bread for that night’s service or demonstrated no commitment to anything, other than holding her hand out to collect thousands of prop-up pounds from Daddy?

How else would you react when you opened a coolroom door, only to be greeted by rotting vegetables, toxic seafood and trays of weeks-old meat dripping juices onto cakes?

I think we can forgive dear old Gordon the odd F-reak out. It’s what makes him, and this show, great. Just like he introduces a signature dish to each restaurant as something they are to excel at and be known for, so too does he make swearing his forte.

Now, let’s Ramsay-fy some other shows:

Home and Away: Alf, you can do better than "flamin’" mongrel.

Ready Steady Cook: Instead of the audience holding up capsicums or tomatoes to vote for which team they like best, they yell “F*** yeah!” or “F*** no!” when each team is presented. And when the chefs and/or their partners cut their finger chopping onions, the Tourettes-like utterance of accompanying expletives should not be edited out. Oh, and whenever Peter Everett appears on screen, you know what the audience can tell him.

A Current Affair: Make the reporters even more menacing. They should channel the Roberta Williams character on Underbelly whenever they are filming ambush sequences. “What have you done with their f****** money? Where the f*** is it, you a******? Don’t you f******* close that door in my f****** face!”

It’s Academic: Kids should be allowed to swear if they hit the buzzer, full of youthful enthusiasm, only to realise they, in fact, do not know the answer. (Silence … “Oh f***, I don’t know.”)

SBS World News: Perhaps swearing is already part of this broadcast. I swear Amrita Chandra swore when reading a story about the FARC rebels the other night … or was it the one about Susilo BamBang Yudhoyono? Either way, well done, you are truly a pioneer in this field.

Gordon Ramsay will be in Australia in June, to film a new reality show chronicling his search for a chef to run his new restaurant at Melbourne’s Crown Casino.

The man himself will also appear on this Saturday night's Top Gear (SBS, 7.30pm) where he will apparently be asked to eat food cooked on a car's motor.

- REBECCA MARSHALL