If you’re a bratty teen being dispatched by your desperate parents to a re-education camp, you probably expect to be confronted by a strict sergeant-major wielding his baton like a drum majorette on steriods.

Not in the latest series of Brat Camp (ABC, Tuesdays, 8.30pm).

The seven wayward English girls sent to the Utah wilderness for a dose of attitude adjustment are instead under the influence of a softly spoken Buddhist called Norman.

No, not Bodhi, Dharma, Kharma or some other Zen-like name you might expect of a Buddhist leader. Norman.

Norman, who never raises his voice, has an aversion to the “F-bomb”. This is more commonly referred to in polite circles as the “F-word”.

When people drop the F-bomb or other swearwords, it causes such angst to poor Norman that it’s like a physical blow to the head (something he demonstrates with all the drama of a drag queen on a Mardi Gras float).

Of course, this revelation only causes his troop of tyrants to break into hysterical laughter and drop more bombs (including some that don’t begin with F).

From the moment the girls arrived in Utah it was clear that Norman and his fellow new-age nannies would have their hands full, with several of the group making a run for freedom as soon as they left the airport building.

However, they were quickly rounded up and transported to the wilderness, where they were each given an individual tent and told to act like a mouse – ie, quiet and humble – so they could “learn from the ground up”.

They were also given much the same food a rodent might live on, in a bid to detox their systems of the alcohol, cigarettes and drugs that previously formed part of their daily diet.

While most of the girls quickly seemed to realise that they will have to follow the rules if they ever want to get home, one trio of hardcore offenders couldn’t resist trying to escape, rebelling against their team of instructors and therapists, and generally just being brats.

But if I had Norman whining at me about F-bombs and was being told to make like a mouse, hell, I’d probably behave like a brat too.

Anyway, by the end of episode one, the group had split into two, with the more compliant girls moving onto another camp to become coyotes while the recalcitrant trio stayed behind to continue being mice. Perhaps they’ll be sent to rat camp next.

I was a Brat Camp virgin (ahem) before this week, but like the dastardly substances many of these bad girls have been tempted by, I found it strangely addictive.

I can’t wait to tune in next week to see if anyone turns into an elephant.

— SUZANNE KEEN