I think Jamie Durie may actually be his new TV show. And I think his new TV show might actually be him, as well.

No, I’m not saying the blessed, oh-so-toned one is an Outdoor Room (Sundays, Seven, 6.30pm) or that he has water features in strange places, although maybe he does. And, come to think of it, he most likely does have a team of workers maintaining, moulding and manicuring him just like his TV crew, who plants, paints and primps…

But what I am trying to say is that, like the Outdoor Room, Jamie looks pretty, but, scratch the surface, you get nothin’. Sweet nothin', though it may be.

But I guess it was always destined to be thus, thanks to Mr Durie’s famous big beefcake break as part of the ManPower troupe. Were we pre-conditioned to finding him eternally fake, Oprah endorsement or no Oprah endorsement?

In last night’s premiere, Jamie was joined by ex-Backyard Blitzer Jody Rigby to present the Outdoor Room – a garden makeover show with a bit of Getaway and What’s Cooking thrown in. (By the way, what’s happened to that Pommy geezer Nigel? Scott Cam is still kicking on Backyard Blitz Mark 2, Domestic Blitz, with Jody Rigby Mark 2, Shelley Craft, by his side – but where’s Nige?)

Jamie used his hands way too much and was seen riding a different motor scooter in every shot, but, hey, he was in Italy and when in Rome…

This show looks and feels lavish and glossy – it’s prettier than most of the ads that intersect it.

But it’s as fake as the tacky Trevi Fountain he tried to replicate in an old Italian couple’s backyard last night.

It’s pure schmaltz, pure cheese and pure hand-waving earnestness about how fabulous the inspiration is for making a worthy couple’s dreams come true. Ho-hum, we’ve been here before.

The two things I semi-liked were the seconds-long mini-tiff between Jody and Jamie over a wall colour for the garden (“Well, this is not for your house Jody, it’s for the client,” Jamie chastises her.) and the computer motion graphics showing how ivy sticks onto walls or how worms worm through the soil.

But, sorry, that ain’t gonna bring me back this Sunday.

Elsewhere on free-to-air, and my tips for latter-2008 hits are: Packed to the Rafters – Rebecca Gibney! Welcome back; Find My Family – alright it’s a rip-off of the marvelous SBS Who Do You Think You Are, even down to the background music, but this is a pure, heartstring-pulling joy; and Outback Animal Rescue hosted by Ernie Dingo: this one will run after Outdoor Room next Sunday – Ernie Dingo! Welcome back!

Any dingo rescues likely?

- REBECCA MARSHALL