Queensland Health has issued a public health warning about the highly contagious AA (Anti-Amalgamation) influenza virus which is currently afflicting the general population.

Such is the level of state government concern about this people's pandemic that Premier Peter Beattie has threatened instant quarantine of any local government area that opts to treat itself with a self-medicating referendum.

Furthermore, the Queensland government will prosecute anyone diagnosed with the AA influenza virus for spreading it and infecting others, under new Bioterrorism legislation passed by Parliament.

However, both the Federal government and the Opposition have declared their bipartisan support for the Hippocratic right of Queensland communities to choose their own local doctors and to seek their own remedy.

Prime Minister John Howard has already agreed to fund the bulk-billing of referendum prescriptions through the Australian Electoral Clinic (AEC).

At least 60 local government community health clinics are believed to be willing to take up the federal government offer.

The Premier blamed local governments for not taking precautions against the AA virus, claiming that municipal immune systems were rundown and vulnerable to such infectious conditions, and had allowed the virus to reach the general population of Queensland.

Redcliffe Council last week delivered a stark community health summary which reported an alarming figure of more than 22,000 cases of AA influenza already diagnosed in their community.

This exceeds the more than 18,000 cases reported by Noosa Council in the previous outbreak during the 2004 federal election. However, another 31,000 cases of the latest strain of the dreaded AA influenza are currently believed to have come from the Noosa LGA alone.

Increasing numbers of visitors to popular tourist areas such as Noosa, Port Douglas and the Whitsundays are also displaying symptoms of the AA influenza virus.

A digital version of the same affliction is spreading on the internet.
Cases of the AA influenza virus have been reported in every local council across the state, with the exception of Brisbane.

A spokesperson for the Queensland Medical Research Institute said that the AA influenza virus showed unusual characteristics in that it appeared to be especially virulent in regional and rural areas, and that ratepayers and residents of Brisbane City Council seemed to be showing some resistance to the latest strain - so far.

However, the QMRI warned that the 2007 Ekka in Brisbane this week will see hundreds of thousands of AA-inclined visitors from regional Queensland transmitting their condition throughout the metropolitan area.

Meanwhile, another condition has again struck the entire Australian body politic, and is considered an even more pernicious and potentially lethal disease by those who are qualified to doctor the account books.

Medical brokers have warned that millions of people are in danger of succumbing to the even more rapidly spreading plague of mortgage-induced gastrointerestriseitis.

Symptoms of this condition include a constant and uncomfortable feeling of being squeezed, lethargy, depression, numbness, acute hip-pocket pain and ever-rising interest rate temperatures.

This is the highest number of cases of gastrointerestriseitis for over 10 years.

Hamish has two MySpace websites. On one he writes about poetry, writing, music and other interests such as performing, reading, history and archaeology link to site, while the other focuses on amalgamation and other local issues link to site.