Nowadays, it seems that to be accepted as a member of any country's club of citizens anywhere, there is the requirement to sit for a citizenship test.

What's more, we are all obliged to pass this test before they (whoever they tell us they are) will let any of us join their membership.

In the 21st century, there are really only two categories of countries. There are the countries that everybody wants to jump on. Then there are the countries that everybody wants to jump off.

It's not necessary to name nations now, but we have our own favourites that we would all jump on and off.

Moving up and down the scale, the same can be said about continents and regional blocs at the bigger end, and states, cities, suburbs, neighbourhoods, streets, buildings and rooms at the smaller end.

It's all about Location, Location, Location! Always has been and always will be!

The three Ls are merely a metaphor for the whole gamut of human history – in other words, the constant movements and exchanges of people, property, and position.

Anyway, as I said earlier, it seems that you need to pass a little test to qualify as a citizen of wherever you wish to be as much as possible of yourself as you can be!

Even though you and I may or may not have passed the new Australian citizenship test – fortunately, the results are confidential – that test might be only the first of a series of citizenship tests that we will have to successfully sit if we want to be welcome here, there or anywhere else around.

Since Australia introduced its generic and rather general citizenship test, things have become more and more particular. So now a wide range of more and more localised, specialised and niche-market citizenship tests are being launched and released every day.

Queensland is already test drilling volunteer immigrants in preparation for the first edition of its citizenship test.

Applicants to become Beautiful People One Day, Perfect Hosts The Next will need to name at least 10 Big attractions state-wide; correctly identify Queensland team colours in all codes; sing any or all of the Maroons, Reds, Broncos, Titans, Cowboys and Roar anthems; drink a six-pack of local beverage without gagging or passing out; name some endemic fauna and flora, and then write an essay praising the achievements of both the present and the previous premiers.

Anyone who uses any of the following terms in their answers will be automatically disqualified and deported. Those terms include "gerrymander", "white shoe brigade", "daylight saving", "referendum", "banana-bender", "deep north", "Bris Vegas", "fluoridation", "population cap", "de-amalgamation", "bicameral parliament", "opposition" and anything else that gets in the way.

Some local councils have issued their own citizenship tests too – for instance, Noosa has just … (Knock! Knock! KNOCK! KNOCK!) … excuse me for a moment.

“What's that? Why do I have to pack up and get out? Yes, I did apply to be a citizen of Noosa. What super-council – since when? What do you mean that was my first and last mistake? Hey, let go! Put me down! No, no, not that! Anything but … (tape suddenly cuts out).