I met Carol when she was 17. She was in the audience at a lunchtime performance of the band I was in at the time.

Carol had many physical problems, least of all a protruding bottom jaw that made it difficult for her to speak and be clearly understood.

She stood patiently in line for an autograph and from that moment followed my career closely.

No matter where our band was, you could rest assured that in the front row clapping and smiling would be Carol. Every year for the last 30 years a card would arrive from her on my birthday.

As the years went by the messages were written in a progressively shakier hand.

I received a Christmas card from Carol a couple of weeks ago, wishing me well, and I reciprocated with an old-fashioned handwritten letter … much more personal than an email, I think.

In fact, I called her on-air at Zinc and she asked me how my family was. I said they were driving me mad and added she was lucky she wasn’t my partner.

She quickly replied: “I would have been your partner but you broke my heart.”

Carol died this week after a lifetime of hardship, sickness and an unwavering loyalty to yours truly.

Today’s the day

It’s a year early and opens Monday – the new Maroochy Bridge.

I can’t wait to climb on board my 50CC Vesper and put the plastic to the metal and get over it as fast as I can. Which is about 75kmh.

I’ll be interested to see just how much it alleviates the traffic problem there at 5pm in the afternoon, because as soon as that one opens the old one shuts for refurbishment.

Is that just robbing Peter to pay Paul?

Ukulele fan club

Thank you, Lawrance Chadwick of Marcoola Beach, for your letter regarding my most recent musical purchase, the ukulele.

I had no idea there was a George Formby Society still going strong.

And yes, I will take up your suggestion and go looking for a banjo-ukulele with a heavy round bottom. Sounds similar to me, don’t you think?

Also, thanks for your letter, Derek, agreeing with me about the Steve Irwin statues at Australia Zoo and Mooloolaba Esplanade not being overly attractive. And indeed looking a little strange.

Derek writes: “Stop now before the whole thing backfires.”

Back to the gym

I went back to the gym this week after my widely reported heart attack. I strolled in and was immediately intercepted by a super-fit gym employee who asked in a somewhat overly sympathetic tone: “And how are you now?”

I replied sarcastically: “It was the exercise I was doing here that actually gave me the heart attack and you’ll be hearing from my solicitor.”

Well, I thought it was funny.

I climbed on board the treadmill to do 30 minutes at 5kmh. That’s the equivalent speed of a Queensland long-necked turtle.

The interesting thing after a heart attack is being surrounded by really concerned gym assistants waiting to catch you, should the old ticker fail again.

Look out: Julia’s in charge

How will a misogynist like me cope? With a woman caretaker prime minister?

I’m not denying that Julia Gillard looks like she means business in those power pantsuits she wears.

You know those ones – where her cuffs look like they’re going on holidays up to the knees?

A woman prime minister. I mean, what are we going to do if she gets in a bad mood – go to war?

And how are we going to bring our troops home from Iraq? Who’s going to read the map?

Let alone reverse park the government limo into the garage at the lodge.

I better keep my chauvinistic opinions to myself, otherwise I’ll get a message from Julia on government notepaper: “Don’t make me have to come up there.”