As this column goes to print, I am sitting in a stylised tent/lodge surrounded by the animal inhabitants of the Western Plains Zoo.

It’s a special tour you can book where you actually stay at the zoo – the only downside is trying to get to sleep while the king of the beasts coughs up a fur ball outside your front door, or the giraffe clears his throat at two in the morning and … it’s really freeken cold.

We leave for Goondiwindi tonight to break up the journey home. They do things differently in the country, don’t they? I quote: “Yeh, I’ve got two rooms left, don’t bother about booking, I trust ya, just turn up when you’re ready.”

Get the picture?

My wife, Kym, bought a car DVD system from Tandy for about $300. I know what you are thinking – what a waste of money. But, no, it’s just the opposite.

We have five children (well, four, and an 18-year-old with IDD – Ipod Dependant Disorder).

The trips in the car with this machine are incredible. The children become mesmerised for hours at a time. In fact, there is so little noise coming from the kids in the back; it’s just like driving your local library to town and back.

You can keep the Gold

I haven't been to the Gold Coast for many years but I did this school holidays, and my God, what a difference there is in the place.

There is nothing left that is at all appealing about it. I’m afraid it’s on it’s last legs … actually, I am surprised they haven’t cemented over those as well.

I guess you could say its own popularity has killed it, and let that be an ever-present reminder to those of us who are lucky enough to live on the Sunshine Coast.

We should never build so high and never succumb to the relentless pressure of development, as they have.

We need our councils to be strong. You can see the early scars of poor decisions up here – just have a look at the skyscraper on the Esplanade at Coolum. It’s as grey and bleak as the cement it’s made from.

The villas of Byron

Yes, I splashed out, but I had to. You see, I had convinced Kym there was absolutely nothing to see or do on the inland route to Dubbo and that we should travel down the coastal highway and then head inland to the zoo.

With the help of my on-air partner Courtney, who, by the way, could easily work for Flight Centre or destination.com, I booked one night at a place called The Villas of Byron. It wasn’t cheap, but I wouldn’t call it extravagant, either.

If you ever want to feel what it was like to live like Christopher and Pixie Scase for a day, then this is the place. Completely hidden from the world, with heated tiles on the floor and more marble than the Acropolis and, wait for it – a bidet.

You can tell my kids are working-class, because one boy urinated on it and the other one washed his hands in it.

Rudd’s on my mind

Groceries will be cheaper under my government, said Kevin … Playschool.

My family was evicted from the farm and we lived in a car … McLeod’s Daughters.

I speak Mandarin, of course the price of citrus will fal l… Karate Kid.

We will withdraw our troops from Iraq but we will still leave some there ... Deal or no Deal.

Greg doesn’t get consulting work just because I’m the Labor leader … Big Brother.

My wife has decided to sell the shop ... Home and Away.

We will continue to mine uranium and sell to the world ...The Nukes of Hazzard.

I tended to agree with Barry Humphreys when he said – as Dame Edna, of course – “Do we really want a prime minister named Kevin?”