My local bottlo has had a few problems lately with the technical side of the business letting them down.

For instance, I had the taste for a few beers on Friday night, to down while I watched the football, and off I went to the local to pick up a six-pack.

As I approached the front door of the bottle shop, I spotted a makeshift sign stuck in a bucket of sand and stating: NO EFTPOS CASH ONLY.

“Damn,” I thought, “I think I’ve got enough in my pocket”.

I got my beer. I had a relapse on Sunday and went back around, only to find another sign, stuck in the sand bucket, which read:

“EFTPOS WORKING, FRIDGE NOT –BEER WARM, SORRY!”

Slip-up over bananas
You wouldn’t think that eating two bananas from the fruit bowl in the kitchen would’ve put our marriage into the divorce court, but that’s just about what happened when my wife, Kym, took me to task for doing that very thing.

“Do you have to eat all the bananas? What am I going to put in their lunch boxes? Don’t you ever think?”

Actually, I was thinking and that thought was: “Surely someone who is 58 in August can make a decision as important as whether to progress onto a second banana just before they die, can’t they?”

Well you would have thought I’d just backed over the cat!

So the next day, before Kym came home, I went to Coolum IGA and bought 15 hands of bananas – sheesh! I didn’t think they’d be THAT expensive.

I took them home and created a pyramid of bananas in the kitchen, and was cooking the chicken with my back to the door when Kym finally came home.

She turned the corner and I heard a whisper…. “smart arse”.

Beattie reveals all
How's the arrogance of this man?

God it made me sick to watch him crow in parliament about how much rain had fallen in the Mary Valley and what a great place for someone to put a dam.

Well Pete, I’m sorry, I saw a piece of your personality that I really didn’t like when I saw you on the news.

You know what they say about television – the camera never lies.

“You are what you are” and underneath that slick political exterior is a smugness that’s offensive.

A slippery problem
At least there’s one thing the rain has done, apart from fill our dams, and that is to show me just how badly my house leaks.

It was leaking into the light fittings, which sort of freaked Kym out a bit It came through the windows in the bedroom and bathroom.

At one stage, like in Titanic, I thought I’d have to give “Rose” a whistle and slowly sink to my death.

The problem is, the bloke who built my house is a friend of mine and up until now I have valued our friendship more than niggly house issues.

But all that’s about to change. I’m going to get Kym to call him tomorrow.
I’ve changed brands HAD it not been for a chance meeting at Micky Dees Cafe under the Noosa 5 Cinemas, I don’t think we’d ever have struck up such a wonderful friendship.

We’ve seen each other many, many times since. Of course I’m talking about the new VB Gold Beer – sorry XXXX.

It was love at first taste. Ooh, it’s a good drop.

Paradise lost
Isn't it a shame – no matter where they shift those Lifeline bins, people keep using them as a dumping ground.

Remember they were opposite Surf Air, then they went right up the top end, just before Marcoola next to the airport runway.

Now they’re down at Pacific Paradise.

They’re easy to find, there’s a pile of computer screens, bed bases, bikes, tricycles and soggy chipboard desks.

You can’t miss ’em.