Kevin Rudd’s popularity seems to be folding faster than Superman on ironing day.

Please don’t tell me that he said he could bring grocery prices down, petrol prices down, bring all our troops home from Iraq and part the Red Sea just to get elected.

Is it just me or have you noticed there are a few more strikes starting to happen around the place, with unions becoming discontented with wages because groceries and petrol are going up?

Whatever, it doesn’t change the fact that Brendan Nelson has about as much chance of leading the country as Courtney Love does of getting a clear skin commercial.

The bed was on fire

Sometimes I think I’m cursed because one morning this week at 10 to 3 (am) Stella came into my bedroom and whispered “My bed is on fire”.

I was out of my starting position faster than Cathy Freeman in the 400m at the Commonwealth Games – and she was right.

Stella’s bed was smouldering. It turns out that when I instructed her to clean up her room, all she did was pick her clothes up off the floor and pile them on the bed ... right on top of a reading light which she accidentally turned on with her foot in the middle of the night.

The globe had smouldered its way into the mattress, burning through several items of clothing, a doona and some sheets.

What is it with my children and fire! Is it God telling me that when I do finally pass, I’m going to be surrounded by flames as I seem to be week in week out at home?

Speed bump hazard

I had to laugh the other day when entering the car park at Sunshine Plaza.

I was following a V8 LandCruiser which stopped at every 15cm high speed bump so that it wouldn’t damage the suspension.

Why in God’s name would you buy a vehicle that will climb a tree and be that worried about driving over a speed bump?

<b.Valery likes it, anyway

I was invited to hand out prizes at Maroochy RSL’s fun and games day, which is a wonderful experience to get to know an audience of seniors.

You can’t help but feel the warmth of spirit in the room.

I was standing by the chocolate wheel when a lovely lady, Valery Smith, in a pink cardigan, walked up to me and said: “I just want you to know that I love reading your column.”

She continued: “I find myself agreeing with just about everything you say and I feel like I know your family.”

Thanks for reading, Valery.

Shaved shitsus cause me pain

What most of us bald and bearded blokes do to stay well groomed is to simply give ourselves the once over with a Breville No 1 electric shaver.

I have one of these sitting to the left of the sink and mirror I look in every morning. I just give it a quick squirt with some Singer sewing machine oil and it never fails – that is, until the other day.

I ran it under my chin, it clogged and caught in my beard, causing me to squeal and dance like a substance-enhanced hippy.

I had another go and once again it jammed and pulled at the hairs on my temple.

The pain was so great I actually spoke to God.

I quickly worked out why this was happening to my usually reliable trimmer when Milo and Maggie, our two fluffy shitsus, casually walked into the bathroom sporting brand new haircuts.

First the dam, now this

I am a committed anti-Traveston Crossing Dam believer but gee it makes it hard when it seems like every few months God drops more water on the Sunshine Coast and surrounds than anywhere else in the world.

It only took a matter of days before our pro-dam government started releasing information that hinted that if the dam had been built earlier it would have been 100% filled seven times over.

Perhaps if our governments had a modicum of foresight in the past, we wouldn’t have been instructed to destroy our water tanks in the city by law to reduce the mosquito population of all things.

Seriously, how stupid in this day and age does that sound?

What’s next, Anna? Don’t tell me you are going to increase the population cap on our fragile Sunshine Coast by releasing masses of land for an influx of home builders – I have to stop now, it’s making my head hurt.