And the countdown has begun.

To what you say?

To that time once every four years where we all pretend we care about sports like wrestling and judo.

In exactly one month’s time, Beijing will open its arms to the world for the Olympic opening ceremony and gold fever will once again sweep the nation.

One month until we are treated to countless slow-mos of “amazing feats of grace” like pole vaulters making it over that little bar, runners collapsing “in sheer overwhelming emotion” and the “heartbreak” of athletes who have trained their butts off for the past four years only to fall at the starting line or something equally as dramatic.

So we have four weeks until we start caring about rhythmic gymnastics, table tennis and archery.

For the most part it’s like these athletes don’t exist for the four years in between Olympic moments – like they haven’t been scrimping and saving and training, and then training some more for all the international competitions in between leap years.

But the moment they look like being a medal contender, we are all over them like a rash.

But at least they get their moment on the world stage.

Where is the Olympic moment for the world’s mountain unicyclists?

Or for the zorbanauts?

What – you don’t know what a zorbanaut is?

Have you been living under a rock or something?

Zorbing is where the competitor gets in what is probably best described as a hamster ball for people and rolls down a hill.

For an added edge, throw a bucket of water inside your giant inflatable ball and experience what your favourite t-shirt feels like while being washed.

Is it any more ridiculous than table tennis being an Olympic sport?

Or Greco-Wrestling?

Today, I’d like to take this opportunity to pay homage to some of the other weird and wonderful “sports” out there which will never get their moment in the sun, those sports whose triumphant moments will never be seen in a slow-mo montage set to violins.

Like chess boxing.

Is boxing not cerebral enough for you? Not enough action in chess?

Just put them together and whammo – instant classic.

It’s big in Berlin and basically the players play chess for four minutes, then they get up and slug it out for three minutes and then they hit the chess board again.

And so on.

If chess boxing doesn’t do it for you, then what about competitive kickball?

In the immortal words of Patches O’Hoolihan “if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball” and that seems to be the crux of this game.

No longer is kickball limited to sadistic PE teachers who enjoyed watching the playground bullies aim straight for the kids with glasses or just those who didn’t know how to run and jump at the same time – it’s now a competitive sport complete with rival codes. Ooohhhh.

Deadspin.com has also led me to this little gem – Pooh Stick racing. As in Winnie the Pooh, not the yucky stuff.

It’s been running for like 25 years and basically involves of a bunch of people finding a stick and dropping it in a river. And then the heart-stopping entertainment begins as they wait with baited breath to see whose stick crosses the finishing line first.

I know – I can’t believe the Olympic committee haven’t taken it up yet.

Bring on the Games!