I’m serious when I say that not a lot changes when you get married.

Seriously.

If you have lived with your partner before the big day, then a marriage certificate is not going to change things.

So if there were problems before you said I do, you can be darn sure that those problems are still going to be there.

Your man is not going to magically stop hanging out with his bogun mates just because in the eyes of the law, God and whoever else, you and he have become a “we”.

You are not going to stop wanting to see your girlfriends because the rock of Gibraltar is weighing down your left hand.

Cos, it seems to be that that is the only difference marriage brings.

Diamonds.

If you are into that sort of thing.

Emeralds, opal, pearls – whatever.

That gift on your ring finger does not a relationship make.

Obviously, society goes on about a honeymoon period for a reason.

I found that when you first get married, that term newlywed brings a smile to most people’s faces and, hey, if everyone around you is happy, then some of that has to rub off.

Oh and you get to make all the corny jokes you’ve seen on bad sitcoms and romcoms - “Good morning Mr Jones, Good morning Mrs Jones,” etc, etc, etc.

And introducing someone as your husband or wife is a hell of a lot easier than saying this is my boy/girlfriend and pointing to a 50-year-old man/woman, or the dreaded “partner” (like your relationship is akin to a law firm), de facto (seriously) or fiance (which always sounded kinda snotty).

But other than that, life trots along much the same as before.

Yet tell some people you are married and they either look at you like you’ve just announced you like eating small children or you’ve discovered the secret to life.

“Oh my God, you’re married!” a girl I know socially and met after I tied the knot announced rather loudly recently, at the same time as almost pulling my finger off.

“I didn’t know you were married. You can’t be married. You don’t dress like a married person.”

I wasn’t aware there was a uniform, but there you go.

She then asked me what it was like.

And was bitterly disappointed with the answer.

She thought it would be different. And I don’t know, maybe it is for some people.

But I tend to think that if spending a whole heap of money and having a party with your loved ones to celebrate the fact you’ve found someone to love who loves you just as much (which, let’s face it, is what a wedding basically comes down to) is what it takes for you to feel committed to someone, then that is more a comment on your relationship than the state of matrimony.

Because you don’t get a lobotomy when you put the ring on.

So you are exactly the same person as you were before that piece of metal came to rest on your finger.

I know people who have gotten married, just because they had been together for like 50 million years and figured it was the next logical step.

Cos there seems to be this prevailing idea that if you have been together for years, then you either need to get married or break up and find someone who will marry you.

And with that sort of attitude, it is no wonder the ink has hardly had a chance to dry on the marriage certificate before the divorce proceedings start.

So if you want to get married, then make sure you are doing it for the right reasons.

It is not a magical cure for a failing relationship.

It’s a public declaration of love.

Basically, if you are getting married to save a relationship, then I guess planning the ceremony will give you both something to talk about until the big day.

But the morning after, those big pink elephants will still be in the room.

And while the term newlywed might bring smiles there is nothing like divorce to bring those pitying looks.