Nugget: Crow Boy, when the sun casts a certain shadow across that sundial-like snout of yours, I know that summer must be here again. Ahhh, summer, what a simply magnificent time of year, like a game of strip Hungry Hungry Hippos with Danny de Vito: hot, sweaty and just a little uncomfortable.

Crow Boy: Once again, Nugget, you’re just jealous my natural Adonis-like features allow me to tell the time without looking at a watch. Transversely, when you bend over, your plump behind provides enough shade for Casey Donovan, her travelling smorgasbord and all finalists from the past Idol series. But, yes, the sun is shining and it’s time to bask in summer games – and not the Commodore 64 version which caused premature arthritis for all who grew up through the 1980s.

N: No doubt the central fun area this Aussie summer has to be the backyard pool, a world where sunstroke and painful belly flops go together like Darryl Somers and nausea.

CB: Yes, the pool is where we separate the men from the boys and the contenders from the pretenders. The swimming hole is a place where legends are born and, if you’re an NRL player, a great location for a first date.

N: Romance isn’t dead. What must be recognised is that the pool is not the place for Li-Los and umbrella drinks. The pool is merely an extension of the years and must be treated accordingly with a state-of-warlike readiness.

CB: Entry is a pivotal part of any day’s play in the pool. Careful consideration needs to be given before a toe hits the water: you don’t want to go too hard, too early and leave yourself with nothing in the tank for later shenanigans.

N: Call me old fashioned, but the bomb dive is the simplest and greatest method of entering the drink, especially if one of the aforementioned Li-Lo enjoying, umbrella drink sipping tossers is nearby, with the double bonus of the soaking and dislodging from the Li-Lo the ultimate challenge.

CB: The dual-legged bomb is an old favourite, but needs to be undertaken with care. Those who have chosen to relieve themselves of the confines of clothing can quickly turn the bomb into a manoeuvre called the “Ian Roberts cleanser”. Not even the good people from the Ponds Institute can provide such a thorough rinse.

N: Once in the pool, the next step, of course, is adequate entertainment and nothing says fun like Marco Polo. Aside from being an exceptional explorer Mr Polo was the creator of the world’s greatest pool-based game where cheating is inevitable and sibling punch-ups a must.

CB: Amazingly the Wallabies are using the very same format as their selection process for the upcoming World Cup. I believe Mat Rogers has spent the past 12 months increasing his lung capacity to enable him to spend two days under water.

N: Not to mention the tireless work Wendell Sailor has been doing in the sand … or some powdery substance anyway. Also very high on the backyard pool activity list is “classic catches”. Why watch your heroes take screamers in the middle when you can replicate them via a tennis ball and the pool? Points are awarded for difficulty of catch, splash and how close your scone comes to the concrete edging around the pool.

CB: Any claret spilled always gains additional points under my scoring system. One-handed attempts are traditionally the only source of adulation, although a replica of Pigeon McGrath’s Adelaide Oval catch circa ’02, pants on or off, will always be well received.

N: Another typical high scorer is the catch simply known as the “Tim Peach”, where the entrant cannons off the fence using pneumatically firm buttocks, then enters the water catching the ball in one hand and flashing the pistol hand click and wink to one very lucky lady.

CB: Finishing with his famous catch cry “How about them apples”. God bless summer.