Nugget: The 1970s gave us two tremendous musical outings that explain today’s concern: ABBA with “Money, money, money, in a rich man’s world” is as fun as IKEA furniture. But I think the boys from Pink Floyd summed it up best “Money, it’s a gas. Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash”. It makes the world go around and it sickens me. Now one of Queensland’s favourite sons will probably be forced across to the Old Dart because the Broncos can’t afford him.

Crow Boy: Yes, apparently the Broncos only offered Petero Civoniceva enough cash to support his head, and not the whole family. It’s a travesty that the world’s best rugby league competition cannot afford the game’s best players. Like Anthony Cosmo Callea undertaking manual labour while wearing Stubbies and steel-cap boots, it just doesn’t make sense.

N: I’ve got no beef with the crap players heading abroad. It’s Charles Darwin’s natural selection. Everything crap either comes from England or ends up there eventually. Take Jason Donovan. I’m sure there were no tears when legends of the game such as Sid Domic, Adrian Vowles and Mark McLinden ended up in the Old Dart, but Petero deserves better.

CB:You’re damn right there. How dare they allow the great warhorse Petero to be lumped with the likes of Danni Minogue, the entire cast from Neighbours circa 1987-1999 and that back-stabbing bra-burner Germaine Greer. It’s not the first time this occurred either. The great Adam Mogg was also forced to go OS to earn the cash he deserved. That was just after last year’s Origin victory, and fresh from the Sunshine Coast southern gateway being renamed Moggoundra in his honour.

N: The whole issue comes back to the route of all evil, as the Bible puts it, money. Like Gretel Killeen’s penchant for shoulder pads, it’s wrong and it needs to end now. Surely the NRL could allow some dispensation for a servant such as Petero.

What if the Broncos could come up with the cash some other way? Could they make it exempt from the salary cap? What about a “Punch Ben Ikin in the face booth”? Pay a dollar and punch Australian commentary’s answer to whooping cough in the snot box. Simple. Millions would be raised in just one afternoon.

CB: I’m not sure whether that concept would make it through the NRL’s nancy-pants code of conduct. Perhaps we could just impose a fine on Benny every time he makes a comment which fails to make sense, or states the bleating obvious. I reckon either way you’d raise similar funds.

N: Is there a potential revenue stream for the “Save Petero Fund” in sending young Broncos prop Ben Hannant to nightclubs as a Gary Busey look-alike. The likeness between Hannant and the star of such gems as Point Break and Under Siege is simply uncanny.

CB: And let’s not forget Rhys Wesser being a long lost brother to Danny Glover. I’d like to see Wesser head to Hollywood to hook up with Glover for a Twins blockbuster, with the proceeds going into the NRL players’ coffers to keep the living legends of the game in Australia.

N: Once the Ikin booth has been hosed off, I reckon Benny’s father-in-law, AKA Wayne “Supercoach” Bennett, could jump in, giving punters the opportunity to make the great man crack a smile. Much tougher than the Ikin thrashing task, but the rewards would be greater, solving the age old question: Does he have teeth?

CB:That man’s smile is so sideways even the young lappers in their WRXs reckon he’s “fully sick”. Perhaps Karmichael Hunt could star in a remake of Staying Alive? He has the swagger, just add the paint tins and let him cut the rug like he was born to do.

N: “Well, you can tell by the way he can use his walk, he’s woman’s man, no time to talk.” The K has a chewing gum walk so-ooo Wrigley. But I digress, as always teenage high school movies can lead us out of trouble.

In any of the 278 teen movies starring Hollywood oxygen thief Freddie Prince Jr, any fiscal problem could be soon fixed with a car wash. Imagine Berro, Corey Parker and even Bruno Cullen out in the Red Hill car park sudsing up Toranas for 10 bucks a throw.