Nugget: So we are nearly at the end of Adam Gilchrist’s John Farnham-style farewell tour, and while the adulation and praise of packed stadiums all over Oz are being heaped on the great West Australian (yes, I know he was born in Lismore, you letter-to-the-editor-writing morons), is it not a magnificent mark of the man that he has taken the time to worry about a team-mate in need?

Crow Boy: Yes, Gilly’s been doing everything of late … making runs, maintaining Gatorade levels in the water bottles and filling out the team sheet.

Now he’s looking out for poor little Punter. Captain Ponting is tired and rundown, and Gilly is appealing for Punter to have a lie down before he does himself a mischief.

N: As the parents of young children, we are both well aware of the dangers of being a little bit too tired for one’s own good. It can lead to crying tantrums and even, on the rarest of occasions, unplanned soilings.

Gilly is right, this is a very serious issue that faces our Ricky – a Bex and a lie down is the absolute minimum that should be occurring.

CB: Just ask Dean Jones about unplanned soilings, he didn’t heed the warnings.

And Punter needs to take his ample-eared mate’s advice before he too is left looking more vulnerable than 12 dim sims and six-pack of meat pies in Casey Donovan’s fridge.

Unlike one Shaun Tait, with his pea-sized ticker, Punter has a gruelling cricketing schedule undispersed with assisting Australian men with hygiene issues.

N: Spot on tiger! The increased stress and discomfort levels detected in the skipper are no real surprise, let’s be honest.

The bloke comes from Tassie, the most stress-free state we have to offer … rural Tassie, for that matter.

I mean for God sakes, the town of Mowbray that is responsible for the upbringing of the Punter is possibly the most laidback place in the world – they were going to call it Lazyboy, it’s so relaxing. No wonder the rigours of the big city have resulted in a furrowed brow.

CB: Poor little Punter is suffering from Baby John Burgess syndrome. Burgo could only handle the pressures of the Wheel for so long. Just imagine the pressure the skipper is under, it’s much like the elastic on Amanda Vanstone’s leggings.

N: Yeah, except Punter wasn’t designed by the same engineers that gave us the Channel Tunnel.

What can be done for the poor little guy? A holiday is out of the question, as one of the reasons for his distress is the constant travel associated with cricket.

And where is the poor guy going to go? The Caribbean, South Africa, New Zealand – all fantastic destinations, no doubt, but they will only serve to remind Ricky of work. Maybe England – they haven’t played cricket there for decades.

CB: I believe the last time our cricketers toured the Old Dart it was for Warnie to hook up with a few old flames. We should send Ricky to a place where he can enjoy himself, while also rediscovering his rural roots.

Let’s send him to Cessnock’s hub of dishlicker racing. He can have a punt, pat a few dogs and it’s a place where tracky dacks double as casual and formal wear.

N: I can feel the muscles in the troublesome Ponting back starting to free up already. Tai chi has long been a source of inner peace and comfort for those infested by the demons of workplace stress.

If Punter can’t get away from the game, maybe some gentle exercises during the heat of battle may be the solution. The sight of the Aussie skipper performing such poses as the “Upturned Dragon” and “Flower to the Sun” at second slip between Brett Lee thunderbolts makes the heart smile.

CB: Perhaps Punter could investigate other alternatives. He could take a leaf out of the feng shui book, and always ensure Binga Lee’s hair is pointing 10 degrees east of due north, his Rexona cans should be placed to form a mosaic of a dragon, while a zen garden featuring a miniature wicket would surely help his stress levels while waiting to bat.

N: Correct weight. The last thing we want to do is force the kid down a pharmaceutical option for some relief.

No one wants to see a scenario with the skipper raising his bat to an appreciative MCG crowd only to see him dig into the pocket of the creams for a “Tweety Bird” Pez dispenser choc-full of little yellow happy pills. That being said it could be more entertaining than Twenty20.

CB: If that’s the case, then Joey Johns will definitely become a regular fixture.