Crow Boy: Who said playing with dolls was for skirts? The brewers at VB have developed a gem of an idea to first create the Boon doll, which has been followed by Australian cricket’s own Hugh Hefner, Shane Warne.

Apparently the doll is even more insightful than the original. Simone’s been using one during the divorce settlement and rumour has it that it’s already given her more attention than Shane in all their years of marriage put together.

It wouldn’t be the first time that a fake is better than the real thing.

Nugget: What is also great about the VB dolls, is that they talk as well.

While the original Boony doll would offer insightful cricketing comments at certain points of the game, the new Warnie model doesn’t get any more helpful than “Hello darlin’ ”, “I love boobs” and “Do you wanna see my flipper?”

CB: That’s great entertainment for the whole family.

Considering the success of the dynamic duo, surely this opens the door for a plethora of other sporting characters who can belt out their own slices of oral gold.

N: Surely the world of beer-related dolls is crying for an addition of the Jana Rawlinson (nee Pittman) doll.

I know I would be down the bottle’o quick as a flash to score me a doll that has a bung knee and screeches like a banshee if something goes slightly wrong. You also get one if you buy four cartons of Prozac.

CB: Picture the Craig Gower doll. The little bloke would come up with gems such as “Pants are an unnecessary evil”, and “Hey Junior, your daughter’s come of age”.

N: The Sonny Bill Williams doll would be a smash-hit as well. It comes with its own toilet cubicle and at just the precise moment he can be heard to remark: “Geez, it will be a tight fit, but turn around, I can make it work”.

The Candice Falzon doll is sold separately, but doesn’t like to be kept by itself for too long.

CB: I’d also like to see that come with a built-in air freshener which spasmodically fires the scent of toilet lollies.

I’d love to see the Wayne “Duck” Carey doll, punching out the likes of: “Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom … Kelly you comin?”

N: Wouldn’t the Duck be a bestseller if every now and then he busted out a quick: “Oi, which way to the toilet?”

Given his unbelievable popularity, it is feasible to think that the Andrew Johns VB doll would be a crowd-pleaser. He could be heard remarking all over the house: “I’m Joey and I love goey.”

CB: I’d also like to see the Wendell Sailor offering, which comes complete with his own little white pony.

N: The newest one to hit the shelves is the Marion Jones doll. But you have to buy 40 litres of prison-made moonshine to get it and it all it says is, “Stay away from my soap on a rope bitch.”

CB: A product of the Julian O’Neill persuasion would be another big hit with the punters. There would be nothing funnier than a random “Hey Schlossy check your shoe” and “Do you reckon that mascot’s flammable”.

Or how about the Greg Norman doll – every time you pull the chord, he chokes.

N: I reckon a Craig Lowndes doll could finally be the thing that mends the Middle East-like rift between Ford and Holden fans.

Well, it wouldn’t be so much an actual doll as a six-inch eyebrow that occasionally yells: “She’s feeling good on turn seven.”

CB: Hey, Warnie says that too.