State of Origin III player ratings, according to Nugget and Crow Boy.

QUEENSLAND
Karmichael Hunt – Completed another strong series and thankfully for the fourth straight year no excited commentators mixed up the first letters of his names to cause a TV controversy not seen since Bert Newton called Muhammad Ali “boy”.

Darius Boyd – The fact that he has overcome the potentially crippling stigma of being called ’Darius’ is a testament to the man himself. Went try-less after a double in game two ... loser.

Greg Inglis – Quiet in game one and three, but caused more mental anguish for the Blues after game two to make Britney look level-headed.

Brent Tate – Overcame the fact that he has hands like Flipper and a single bed strapped to his back. Kept his chin up all night, which is a miracle in his case.
Israel Folau – 115 kgs, 6ft 4 and got higher than Benny Cousins on Schoolies on several occasions, again proving why Israel are the chosen people.

Jonathan Thurston – Looks like a monkey and showed plenty of magic to set up the winning try. Pigsy and Princess Tripitaka would have been proud.
Scott Prince – Took his career number of broken bones to 458 with a fractured arm, early in the match, you could hear Titans coach John Cartwright crying from Robina.

Steven Price – Has rightfully taken Shane Webcke’s mantle as the games greatest pro ... flat top.

Cameron Smith – With the shield in one hand and a bottle of eyebrow conditioning spray in the other, the skipper left Homebush a happy man.

Petero Civoniceva – Noggin, scone, bonce, shoulder meat; insert what you like if playing along at home, the heads have it.

Michael Crocker – Got a ball in the head, looked loopier than Mel Gibson after four West Coast Coolers, but came back on to prove that the was carved out of the leftover granite form Petero’s forehead.

Ashley Harrison – Gee he’s handsome isn’t he? Can kind of see why, wouldn’t know what a tackle was if locked inside a BCF overnight.

Dallas Johnson – See Ashley Harrison and think the exact opposite, grabbed more Sydney based blokes than Todd McKenney with a pocket full of his “friend's” GHB.

Billy Slater – Haven’t seen a better performance by a bloke at the back since the little seen Deliverance sequel “Hillbilly Hopover”.

Ben Hannant – Lots of metres, plenty of tackles, his twin brother the Bundy Bear would have been proud.

Nate Myles – Dumped Ben Cross flat onto his bonce, and will spend a few weeks on the sideline. Some say thug, we say the only player smart enough to organise his own post Origin vacation, lookout Dunk Island.

Sam Thaiday – Credits his form reversal after giving up his favourite delicacy Sea Turtle, did anyone else see the look in Sammy’s eye when Craig Fitzgibbon was stuck on his back briefly, it could have gotten ugly.

NEW SOUTH WALES
Brett Stewart – Thankfully the commentators did not feel the need to remind us every 30 secs the kid’s a diabetic, however may be suffering some glucose-based amnesia, forgot to come on until the 64th minute.

Jarryd Hayne – Grub, grub, grub, grub, grub. Here endeth the lesson.

Joel Monaghan – Wore Greg Inglis like a hat all night ... with the right shoes the outfit might work.

Matt Cooper – Not sure how he played, got lost in those dreamy blue eyes.

Anthony Quinn – Excellent use of his noggin to set up Folau’s first try and the look on his face when he realised they were not plying together for Melbourne on the hight was priceless.

Braith Anasta – If he gets sick of being called Braith (very likely) some new suggestions; Amanda, Cathy, Karen, Lisa, Brittany, Hannah, Louise, Jacinta, Tara or Jenny. looks like a girl, plays like a girl, the name should reflect this.

Mitchell Pearce – At the tender age of 19 still a raging torrent of hormones, was probably distracted by the girl playing alongside him.

Brett White – Wesley Snipes was right, “White Men Can’t Jump”. This particular white man also proved they can’t run, step pass catch or tackle.

Danny Buderus – Warrior, genius, legend. The only one of this blue idiots whose ear you would piss in if their brain was on fire. Will be sadly missed even by the Queenslanders, but the right time to go Danny, Cameron Smith owns your ass and just leases it back to Newcastle.

Willie Mason – A cardiologist's nightmare, he appears to be breathing, walking and talking, but bugger me if you can find a heart in that cavernous chest cavity. Hope you took plenty of photos Willie, your only chance of wearing sky blue again is by signing with Cronulla.

Ryan Hoffman – Don’t worry Ryan, you play for Melbourne, you will enjoy victory again soon mate. Oh yeah, Special K says you can have your rear end back now.

Craig Fitzgibbon – A gallant effort for a bloke who was playing first grade before colour TV and decimal currency. Would probably give 2 pound 6 for some hair.

Paul Gallen – Moron, idiot, muppet. Queensland thanks you Paul, close to our best in games two and three.

Anthony Laffranchi – Did Anthony make the team bus? Channel 9 must have been using that Hollywood Blue Screen technology that can make people in blue disappear on Anthony all night long.

Anthony Tupou – Tuu-poo, Tu-pow, Tu-po, no idea how the hell it's pronounced, probably simpler to stick with s...house.

Ben Cross – Got dumped on his head and then punched team-mate Anthony Quinn in the head, thigh and shin for it, thanks Ben, we haven’t laughed that hard since “The Wedge” got cancelled.

Kurt Gidley – Usually dynamite running game cruelled by the fact he got his shorts mixed up with the ball boy. Damn Kurt, we haven’t seen a separation of “the boys” like that since the cover of the classic Bay City Rollers 1975 album “Wouldn’t you like it”.

The 'real' player ratings:
The Maroons
The Blues