Crow Boy: Now delving into my encyclopaedia of fashion tips, which include “blue and green should never been seen”, “pink makes the boys wink” and “only wear knickerbockers if you have knockers”, it appears Rafael Nadal has breached one of the few global rules for men.

Nugget: “Rafa”, as he is known to tennis nuts and commentators who make as much sense as soap in an English household, has been sailing very close to the wind for quite some time now. The ensemble he was sporting as he bored the world to tears at Roland Garros was simply the last straw.

CB: The combination of a muscle shirt with the knickerbocker pant has no place, other than a Boy George film clip. World tennis should censure Nadal for his dress sense and for also looking like a hybrid between an Olsen twin and Monkey Magic.

N: Surely we can cut Rafa some slack for the wonderful work that he and his pedal-pushers have done in the last seven Rivers catalogues. The kid is in serious need of a reminder that hair is a privilege not a right, and frankly this dirty Spaniard has been getting around the tennis courts of the world looking like Mallory from Family Ties for far too long.

CB: Unfortunately, he’s not the only individual in world sport who needs to be sat down and given a stern talking to, with a few clips around the ear thrown in for good measure. For starters Nick D’Arcy. The reason why he’s got an apostrophe in his surname is a delineator for his hair. The “do” is simply ridiculous, and rumour has it that was the real reason he brought swimming into disrepute.

N: Even if the CAS gets a case of the backflips and they decide to let “Punchy McPhee” on the plane to Beijing, I don’t know if the safety of the cranky butterflyer could be guaranteed. Peacock is considered a delicacy in the Orient. Now have a look at Nick’s product infused melon. Enough said. With the exception of the impeccable style sense of one Adam Scott, surely golf needs to take a long hard look into its wardrobe before someone gets hurt.

CB: He’s a dead-set danger to himself. Even Joseph and his Technicolor Dreamcoat reckons “Stripes and Checks Scott” has taken things too far. Golf is a fine example of how letting a few mavericks get away with poor fashion can lead to anarchy.

N: Now it is never our intention to speak ill of the dead here at Nugget & Crow Boy HQ, but the late Payne Stewart would have dead-set found himself in fashion jail if not for his untimely end. Hey, like most young men I have dabbled in some amateur theatre, and I must say during a rehearsal of “Pirates of Penzance” I did find the pantaloons both comfortable and alluring, but it never occurred to me to venture onto the links sporting them. That’s something that Payne should have thought about. God rest him.

CB: And what’s with all the ink on footballers these days? Although Sonny-Bill is doing a community service by having “Williams” etched on his back, it reminds the ladies of their his name when they see the SBW reflection in public toilets.

N: I believe it was inspired by one particular tryst. It turns out SBW was very impressed to by the handiness of one of his greatest conquests having the word “Falzon” emblazoned across her ass.