Nugget: Terrorism, interest rate hikes, skyrocketing petrol prices and the ever-present threat of another season of All Saints, the world has become a stressful place filled with genuine causes of worry.

But like all things in this world of ours, something that I used to enjoy, hell even love doing, has been sullied by disappointment and failure – footy tipping.

Crow Boy: For the rookies, this cut-throat world of selecting the weekly winners can apply more pressure than a full bladder in front of a flash Melbourne restaurant.

And of course in our case there is the additional burden of our celebrity status. Kids look up to us for guidance and advice.

N: Correct weight. We do have the added responsibility of being veritable beacons in the community.

I am damn near beside myself when a teary-eyed youngster greets me in a shopping centre and says: “Gee Mr Nugget, sir, what the hell would make you think that Penrith could beat Canberra?”

I am crunching more numbers during the week than the blokes who tally up Keith Urban’s bar tab and I am still getting nowhere.

CB: Beacons, oh that explains the size of your rear end. If we could light up your bum each New Year’s Eve, people would come from all corners of the globe to see you drop from a Mooloolaba pine tree.

But you’re right, this tipping caper can be a stressful environment. You can spend hours poring over the teams, home and away form, night versus day, only to be trumped by the secretary who selects teams based on colour schemes and their chakras.

N: You are dead right, oh beaked one. Is that the problem? Given our almost unnatural love for our respective codes, are we just too close to see the proverbial tipping forest for the trees?

CB: And that raises the question: If a Tiger, such as Kane Johnson, pees in the forest and no one sees it – does it make a sound? The key to finding the winners is gut feel. In Bob Abbot’s case, this could take a while.

N: My concern is that, as punters become more desperate for points, anarchy will reign. Unfortunately rules, just like underpants, are not always fun but are generally necessary for safety and hygiene reasons.

The rule that I stress must be installed into all tipping comps is the “loyalty rule”. You must pick your team every week. I don’t give a rodent’s freckle if it will cost you points each and every week.

If you have supported Penrith and Richmond since you were the size of a Casey Donovan entree, suck it up and tick the box, bitches.

CB: If you display any more wisdom you will become the Dalai Nugget.

Correct weight on the loyalty ruling. There is no better way to show your emotional involvement than to back your side against all comers.

Collingwood fans display their loyalty in many ways, traditionally with a lack of teeth and stolen goods in the boot of their Falcons.

N: And I can assure you they don’t have a receipt for the Falcon either.

Loyalty to one’s beloved team is the only sort of emotion that should be displayed in the hard-nosed world of the office tipping comp.

I’m sorry readers, but this pursuit, if to be conducted successfully, must be treated in a cold and clinical manner, like a session of lovemaking to Hillary Clinton.

CB: I’d rather get up close and personal with Willie Mason.