As some of our 11 readers may know, when Nugget is not filling out the chubby half of this combo, he plies his trade on Hot 91. This took the rotund one to the State of Origin press conference on Tuesday and he was faced with Queensland legend Petero Civoniceva and the following exchange occurred.

Nugget: G'day Petero, I’m Nugget from Hot 91 on the Sunshine Coast.
Petero: What? As in Nugget from Nugget and Crow Boy? The paper column?
Nugget: Ummm yep, have you heard of us?
Petero: I love you guys. You are always writing about the size of my head. Mate I think it’s hilarious.

DEAD SET TRUE STORY.

So we feel it would be remiss of us after this exchange to not dedicate this week’s column to the greatest bonce in Australia and the many ways it has helped shape this big brown land of ours.

Home away from home
If Al Gore and the rest of his cry baby, humpback humpers are right, and this planet of ours is in more peril than an Olsen twin at a trolldoll burning party, do not despair.

Recent CSIRO figures have revealed that between four and six million people, more than 1000 species of animals and plants and the heavy set girl from Wilson Phillips could repopulate on big Petero’s noggin, with enough room leftover for crops, a water supply and a DFO-style outlet mall.

Stimulator of economies
Anybody who has ever been to the charming place at the foot of the Blue Mountains known as Penrith knows two things – Penrith is the birthplace of teenage crime and there is nothing to do there since Craig Gower’s Hey Ladies Check Out My Junk Museum and Amusement Emporium was shut down by Wayne Pearce.

The sheer size of the Civoniceva melon has changed all that. The Penrith Chamber of Commerce pay Petero to lie down for three hours a day and tourist flock to it as an admirable substitute for Uluru.

You can climb it, have photos taken and camp at the base of his Adam’s apple all without the danger of being murdered by John Jarratt.

Creator of icons
As an active lad, a young Petero spent many hours outside in the harsh Queensland sun. Mr and Mrs Civoniceva, being the sun smart parents they were, always ensured the future legend always wore a hat.

When the day came to design an apparatus to hang the gargantuan head cover, engineers went to work on a coat hanger so massive it could fit across Sydney Harbour, and so it was the Sydney Harbour Bridge was conceived. Onya PC. Sydney traffic is thankful for the no hat, no play ruling.

Market regulator
Notice how property prices in Queensland have been in the crapper since, ooooh we don’t know, last October ... when Petero left the state! As if the interstate importation of a prime piece of cranial real estate of that size is not going to send the local market into a downward spiral not seen since a drunk Nudge told Mr Kelly he wanted to be “more than friends” at the Hey Dad Christmas party.

Western world lifeblood
Many people are misguided over the source of petrol. Some believe the word comes from petroleum, but in fact it is derived from Petero. Engineers, with some assistance from the ladies of the Ponds Institute, have broken down the molecules of the blood which pumps through Petero’s veins and used it to form the fuel which drives the world. They figured whatever keeps that head aloft is also powerful enough to handle cars, trucks and aircrafts.