Crow Boy: First it was John Farnham. Now the one and only Shane Warne has followed in his footsteps. They share the same hair stylist, and much like Gorden Tallis during an Origin series, they can’t get enough work.

Nugget: But Gorden stopped at man-handling the opposition. The chubby kid form St Kilda, AKA Shane Keith Warne, has thrown a chain-smoking, philandering cat among the proverbial pigeons by telling the world a cameo performance the 2009 Ashes series is not out of the question. But hey the kid’s got to earn a living. Playboy undies and Winnie Blues don’t grow on trees you know.

CB: From my angle, it looked more like a stump than a tree. But yes, our Shane has done what any good Aussie would – offered his support to those in need. He knows Magilla just isn’t up to it, Hoggy’s given it away, and Pup’s fingers will be doing more walking at home than the Yellow Pages mascot. What an upstanding bloke.

N: Oh God yeah, anyone who has seen Warnie off the pitch, perhaps in a licensed establishment, party or poorly-lit bus stop, knows that he is a giver.

It was this Mother Teresa-like single mindedness toward giving to all and sundry that drove the wedge between he and the lovely Simone.

But I reckon Shane is on to something here. Surely this big brown land is filled with heroes of yesteryear who can and must return to the fields of battle for the good of society.

CB: Once again you’ve excelled in forethought and good judgement. For a minute there I thought I was speaking with your good wife. If Warnie can make a comeback, what’s stopping some of our other sporting stars from getting back in the game?

Just imagine how competitive Carlton would be if the Flying Doormat, Brucey Doull, and Sticks Kernahan were slotted back into the Blues line-up. While they may not win any more games, when combined with the Fev, the trio would revolutionise the sporting style landscape.

N: It would be a better selection of men’s haircuts since Bros broke up, and not a woman in central Melbourne would be able to resist their coiffured charm.

World soccer has been lacking something in recent years. I mean, its okay but it lacks flair and panache. It lacks an insane Argentinean genius filled with more drugs than Seabiscuit with a bad hammy.

The return of Diego Maradona is a must in time for the 2010 World Cup, even if he is bloated and uncoordinated, it did not stop Mark Viduka playing in Germany in ’06.

CB: One comeback that surely all rugby league followers would embrace is Benny Ikin. Not to the field, but to the world of coherent thought. In recent years Ikin has managed to speak words without having any synergies with sense, syntax or smarts.

N: Perhaps a return to the pitch might just be the best thing for Ben. Given his recent track record of incomprehensible lunacy, a series of stinging blows to the scone may restore Ben’s faculties.

If Australia’s spin bowling stocks are so depleted that Shane has to depart his healthy regimen of shagging and playing poker, perhaps he may need some help. I believe it is time to hit the defrost button on the Advanced Hair cryogenic machine and make way for the Greg “Smokin Mo” Matthews.

CB: Yeah, yeah. Cricket hasn’t been the same since Funky Miller retired the whites, and Mo’s the perfect man to inject a little personality back into the game. We should also wheel out the elder statesman of the game, Richie Benaud.

Sure, a few star droppers might be required to keep ol’ Rich upright, but his injection back into the cricket will provide a much-needed gentlemanly boost in these times of nasty jibes and obnoxious Indian weeds.

N: Surely Braith Anasta would make a welcome return to the NRL and I am sure ... what, are you serious, he is still playing? Mmmm sorry about that readers, I haven’t noticed him for years so naturally I assumed, well you know, he was retired. This is awkward.

CB: Not quite as unsettling as that time I found you wearing only Rios and smothered in strawberry jam screaming “who wants to be the bread”.

But that’s a whole other story. I’d like to see a bit of mongrel return to our footy codes. Former Carlton knuckler David Rhys-Jones was also up for a stoush, while I’m sure Billy Johnstone would relish a comeback. They’d show all these modern-day nancies what it’s all about, putting the “sin” in sin bin.

N: It would be great to see the word stink back in sport and it not be a reference to the Qld Reds.

They blame video games and processed sugars for the wave of child obesity that threatens our kiddies. Stuff that.

It’s because they are not out there sweating off the kilos by whaling on each other because all the fist chucking heroes are long gone. Who will save the kiddies, I guess it will have to be Shane.