Crow Boy: It’s a juggernaut which has more momentum than Casey Donovan along the Sizzler dessert bar.

The Geelong train is powering, and they’re on the express all the way to victory lane, toot, toot.

Nugget: Look, this thing in the AFL is heading straight and hard for a feline mauling not seen since Thundercats was on the box.

At least the NRL had the good grace to chuck in a doozey of an upset on the weekend, with the little Warriors coming over the top of the Storm.

The Dogs, however, will not provide the same sort of delicious result – that is, unless the Cats are given some sort of handicap.

CB: Apart from waxing his eyebrow, it is among the most pressing issues on AFL president Andrew Demetriou’s list. It’s almost embarrassing.

Correct weight, something needs to be done to stop the Catters from putting another squirrel-grip on the cup.

For starters, someone needs to return Cam Mooney’s angry pills. He was far more entertaining when he was smashing blokes while wearing a headband – it looked a little like a Supre two-for-one sale.

N: I fear that a return to the Mooney Angries would only strengthen the fear of the Catters in the greater AFL community. I think we need to implement some legislation that will slow down the boys in blue and white.

Anybody who has enjoyed the joyous wonder that is university sport is well aware that all activities on the field of battle are accompanied by a fermented ale.

I think a kick a goal, chug a beer policy would be a dead set winner, and let’s be honest it would not be the first time the greater Melbourne community would see a member of the Ablett family off his face.

CB: That’s also a tactic which has worked wonders at Collingwood.

Slowing down certain individuals would also aid the opposition sides.

If we introduced a ruling that Jimmy Bartel had to sing the entire chorus of “Jimmy Crack Corn” before he could release the ball it should enable would-be tacklers the opportunity to lay a hand on him.

That’s not to be confused with the song Andrew Johns once sung, “Joey Crack More”.

N: That will no doubt appease lovers of football and the arts.

Given the fact that the AFL is always trying to attract new and more exciting ways to attract new sponsors and revenue streams to continue the development of the game, would the little Bulldogs have an easier time tonight if the entire Geelong midfield was forced to wear those depression-era sandwich boards out on the field?

The sight of Cameron Ling streaking through the middle channel with two bits of ply strapped to his torso discussing the benefits of Telstra’s NextG network is enough to see a marketing guru pitch a serious tent in the front of the slacks.

CB: Bomber Thompson could also inject a bit of entertainment into the game and force some of his players to don fat suits. Imagine the hilarity of seeing an even more nuggetty Paul Chapman running down the wing, having a bounce and then putting on laces out to a burly Brad Ottens.

There would be laughs aplenty ... hey, it’s worked for Martin Lawrence in Big Mumma’s House one and two.

N: Sounds like a recipe and it is delicious. Given that Channel Seven are the host broadcaster of the finals and they are dead set shameless with their network cross promotions, I think an appearance sometime during the third, or “premiership” quarter by a sprinkling of the Gladiators would be an dead set crowd pleaser.

Steven Johnson honing in on major number six for the night until he is poleaxed old school by a flying Thunder and then body slammed by Nitro. Ahhhh, God I love September!