I would rather listen to 15 hours of Bill Lawry and Tony Greig – as bad as they are – rabbiting away on the cricket than watch a nano-second of reality TV.

But, as the only journalist I know of who does not own a mobile phone, I fear I’m in the minority and the game of cricket we know and love to routinely bag, along with the umpires, is in for a reality check.

Please read on and be very afraid:

Cricket Australia chief executive officer James Sutherland calls Ricky Ponting into his office and asks him to take a seat.

“Ricky, I’ve called you in to discuss the future direction of the game. Quite frankly we’re a bit concerned ... Ricky, are you listening?”

Punter has his mobile phone open looking at the screen.

“Go ... go you good thing! Ssssss! Yes! Just got the third favourite home at Dapto.

“You were saying, Jimmy?”

“Ricky we’re a little bit concerned about where our game’s headed. It seems to be bogged down in the past and, quite frankly, you’re suggestion to help brings the crowds back to one-dayers we don’t think is going to cut it.”

“Jimmy, I can’t see how putting drop-in greyhound tracks at every ground we play next season can fail. You know, a bit of value-adding between every over and, that way, people won’t have to bet on the cricket.

“You can actually get a good quality sprint in between change of ends and, believe me, once the fans get a look at those dashing dish lickers, they’ll be hooked. They’ll be up at four in the morning each day to walk their own bunny chasers.

“And the beauty of it is you only need to have the attention span of Roy Symonds to actually follow the dogs.

“I reckon the track would still be there at the Gabba today if they’d combined the two attractions on the same day instead of feeding the doggies to the Lions.”

“Ricky, this is not helping. We’ve already got that old dinosaur Bobby Simpson saying the game is going to the pack, without you confirming it.

“Look, we think you need a rest. Has Andrew Hilditch broken the news to you about standing down from all future Twenty20 games?

“You mean that SMS was not a gee-up from Haydos?”

“We just want to try a few new things to try and capture the fans’ imaginations – starting with Pup Clarke. We’re a bit concerned with pop culture and interactive TV going the way it is – even 20 overs is going to be a bit like an SBS movie marathon.

“So we’ll be trialling a 5Jive format next season; a sort of compacted five overs of beach cricket meets Dancing With the Stars.

“We’ll pinch a bit from Idol, with Dicko the bad umpire and Marcia the one who sticks up for the players when Dicko gives them the finger.

“Mark Holden will be the third ump, to basically trash Dicko’s decisions. And get this Ricky, instead of all that boring running between wickets, Lara Bingle will come on to do a tango, minus the ice skates, with Pup from crease to crease.”

“I’m not sure how Haydos and Adam will feel about performing their opening thrash in Speedos that ride up their bums. But, if it worked for Kerrie Pottharst and Natalie Cook in beach volleyball, then it’s worth a go.

“Of course, they’ll have to retire as soon as they get off the mark to make way for Pup.

“As for bowling, after his one over, Binga Lee will do a big Bollywood number and, just so the crowd doesn’t nod off, we’ll have the live audience texting in their sledges of his performance and putting the best up on the big screen.

“And, of course, instead of players being given out, there will be nationally voted evictions. So what do you reckon, Ricky?”

“I think the game is going to the dogs after all.”

“Not while I’m in charge!”

“Want to bet?”