“Good evening ABC viewers. I, Geoffrey Robertson, am about to subject you to another withering waffle-on as part of Hypothetical Hyberbole.

This is where I take a load of topical clap-trap and make it sound ultra-important thanks to my barrister’s baritone and the fact that I charge $1000 a minute. The latest political climate change, means hot air is now all the rage.

So as the PM tries to get a lot of runs on the board at the Twenty20 Summit, in a short, sharp and eventually meaningless innings…I’ve assembled a stack of talking heads with nothing better to do than to consider this Hypo scenario:

Imagine this. You are an elite male athlete who, since butterflying your way down your mum’s fallopian tube, has craved Olympic adulation. You smashed records and then the minute you are selected on the team you, intentionally or unintentionally, go and get smashed then, provoked or otherwise, accidentally or deliberately as the case may be, smash an ex-swimmer’s face.

You are rightly or wrongly, kicked off the Olympic express and, daftly or deservedly, decide you can do with a drink at the nearest pub.

Suffice to say, you do not buy John Coates, the man who gave you the boot, rather than a dorky Olympic uniform, a drink.

So if you were in this position would you:
A. Claim people have got it in for you, hire a top lawyer, and take your case to bleeding hearts at the Court of Arbitration for Sport to argue denial of natural justice.

B. Turn over a new leaf, adopt two small overseas urchins, work for charity in a Third World Country and maybe try out for the boxing team next Olympics.

C. Tell everyone to get stuffed, hire Harry M and sell your story to the highest bidder and make 10,000 times more than you ever would from slogging your guts out trying to win gold for you ingrates.

Well what do you think Laurie L, former swimming psyche merchant, Dawnie F, all-round good sporting sheila and Tommy R, tough as nails football scrapper?”

Lawrie: “Well, Robbo, I think it was a pretty smart move of Coatesy’s. He gets to have it both ways. He chucks him off knowing the softies in the sports court are just as likely to give the kid a break, because he’s been found guilty of zip as yet. So it will be “nudge, nudge, wink, wink say no more” you’re back in, mate. The worst that can happen is Coatsey is forced to reinstate a genuine medal hopeful. So I’m going with A.”

Dawn: “I’m a Balmain girl and we like our blokes rough and ready. Give the kid a chance to prove himself. I’ll go with A. But just in case, maybe we should give him diplomatic immunity because I know the Olympic Village can be a pretty wild ride.”

Tommy: “All he has to say is, he was showing his mate his new butterfly stroke and the execution went a bit wrong and lifted him over the horizontal. I don’t have any time for someone soft enough to have their jaw broken...I think these kids on the swim team could do with a bit of toughening up.

"When was the last time you saw them slapping faces before a race to psyche themselves up …or their coaches squeezing a dripping bullock’s heart to really get ’em fired up? I say they should all give the game away.”