You've heard or read the infamous Sonny Bill Williams interview?

Here is the latest bootleg confessional as told to The Spray. We were fortunate enough to procure a more recent interview with Canterbury’s version of French toast (should he ever return Belmore):

TS: So how’s it all going since you got everything sorted out with the Bulldogs?

SBW: Great ... er, sort of – tres bonza. See, I’m even picking up the local lingo. Pity I won’t be hanging around long enough to parlez vous much more of it.

TS: What do you mean?

SBW: Ouvrez la porte and fermez la bouche ... that’s open the door and shut your mouth. I’m out of here, homme. Je suis jacked off with not being appreciated around here. So it’s time to move on ... know what I mean?

TS: I’m not sure anyone does ... you’ve just barely arrived in Toulon. I thought you were going to learn from your rugby guru Tana Umaga how to become the greatest All Black centre the world has ever seen ... even though you were a blockhead league forward?

SBW: Are you having a go at me?

TS: I can’t be bothered getting in line ... it starts at Belmore and runs all the way to Brisbane. Wasn’t this you’re supposed to be your new home until 2010?

SBW: It was, but it sucks ... the place is full of foreigners and far too few of them are practising...

TS: Muslims?

SBW: Polynesians ... look ... I gotta split.

TS: One thing bothers me. How were you going to get selected for the New Zealand World Cup side from way over here? The Kiwis like you playing in their country for a few games at least before they pick you.

SBW: What? Anthony never said anything about that! Look, stop trying to do my head in ... did that infidel Folksy put you up to this? Man you non-believers are all alike, trying to deny me my greatness.

TS: I think he and everyone else back home think you’re doing enough denying for everyone. I’m just trying to make sense of why you keep running away.

SBW: I have my convictions.

TS: What Bulldog doesn’t? I’m sure you could have got parole come sentencing time ... though I know some who would be trying to bring back the firing squad. And volunteer to fire away.

SBW: Look, you want to understand what it’s like to be in my position? Well come here and I’ll lock you in the cabinet de toilettes. Now, start making groaning noises until I make it to the Charles de Gaulle Aéroports de Paris. They’ll just think I’ve picked up a little something here in France and leave me alone while I make a clean getaway.

TS: But haven’t you just paid 750 grand to Canterbury to leave you alone in the south of France?

SBW: That’s just the point – Toulon’s owner Mourad Boudjellal hasn’t shown me one shiny French franc yet. Anthony had to lend me a down payment for my ticket out of here.

TS: To where? You signed a contract that said you can’t play NRL till 2013.

SBW: A con what?

TS: I see. Are you headed to Pommy Super league?

SBW: Not for a million dollars. Two maybe ... but in the meantime my advisers have arranged for me to be a world class fighter.

TS: It figures. Heavyweight?

SBW: No, French Foreign Legion.
I’m told they don’t have a problem with deserters. Where is Algiers anyway?