Big Dell is about to be in a filthy mood.

He is hanging out washing on the Hills hoist, listening to the radio when he hears that all 400 NRL first grade stars are about to gather at the Syndey ANZ stadium to have their photograph taken for the Centenary of Rugby League Fan Day.

He slams down the plastic wash basket, uproots the hoist and chucks it in the neighbour’s pool. Then he calls his manager.

“I want to speak to Harry M. Miller right away. Who do you think it is! I’m Wendell Bloody Sailor - remember? Big dude, about 6’3 110 kilos, handsome as hell with my diamond studs in my ear. Oh yeah, well I used to be famous. Alright, I’ll speak to his PA then.

"Hello it’s Dell here - Wendell Sailor, I used to, oh forget it. Look, I thought Harry was supposed to be looking after me… build the media up for my big league comeback. Yes, I’m the idiot who snorted his career away. But it was one lousy line of coke!

“Look, every player in the NRL who is anyone, is at the ANZ Stadium getting the star treatment. Why aren’t I there! Look it wasn’t bad enough that I missed out on Australian of the Year again this year - how many tries has Lee Kernaghan scored for Australia in two codes?

''Didn’t Harry tell the Australia Day committee I’m a new man. I look after sick kiddies, take in other people’s washing, clean their cars and mow their lawns?

"Why of course that’s all part of my Jim’s Mowing home care franchise, but it looks good on TV. Look, I gotta get some more air time. Dancing With the Stars didn’t cut it for me – I got booted off second week. What’s wrong with people!

“Okay, I’ll settle for a spot of Humphrey B. Bear. What do you mean what size am I? Oh, for the bear suit. Of course I look good in a boater hat and check vest!

“Now getting back to this footy gig on today. I gotta be there. What do you mean it’s only for NRL accredited players. I’m back, baby and ready to rumble with the Dragons.

"What, you’ve just googled the St George players profile list on their website and I’m not on there? They have Wayne Bennett pencilled in for 2009 coach, but nothing about drug-taking wingers.

"Don’t these people appreciate a once in a lifetime talent when they see it? Who needs them, I’ve still got Russell Crowe’s card. I’ll give him a call. Bye.”

“Hey, Rusty, it’s Big Dell, you know the football dude - used to be a Bronco? You remember me! That’s great. Rusty, loved your work in Cinderalla Man - you threw a left/right combo as well as you throw a phone.

"Look Rusty, I got one thing to say: Show me the Bunnies! I want to come play for your team man, you know get it on with the Rabbitohs.

"Oh… okay, your player list is full up. But you do have a vacancy on the sideline. As a matter of fact I do have some experience with wearing animal suits... or will have soon. You keep watching Here’s Humphrey - check out the sidestep and killer fend – that’ll be me.

Okay, I’m your mascot!”