Darren Lockyer approaches the caravan at Red Hill.

He knocks on the door that has five stars on it and in gold glitter "Supercoach Gus".

“Come!” says a toady voice. Darren enters and looks at the 2009 coach.

There on the wall is a huge photo of Gus swilling champagne on the sideline with one of his triumphant Blues sides - probably the one that handed out the 56-16 shellacking to the Maroons in 2000.

On the other wall is a huge Wizard Blues jumper: "We Love Ya Gus" signed by Joey Johns. And of course there is Phil’s obligatory TV crew.

Phil is blabbering into the camera microphone in hand: “Of course you can see by my calm composure I have restored some much needed sanity and steely resolve out of the chaos that I encountered when Wayne Bennett up and walked out of the place in his usual huff. The place was a complete and utter shambles.”

“Coach?” Darren says. “Coach, the boys sent me in … they’re wondering when we’re going to train?”

“Darren, let’s get one thing straight around here. No one speaks, while I’m broadcasting. I’m making one of my live updates for Channel 9. Look, tell the boys I’ll be out soon … you’ll have my undivided attention until 2pm when I catch the plane for some TV promos for the coming season.

"Look, have Blocker Roach and Benny Elias and some of the other coaching staff play some chicken scratch until I’m done here. Now come over here and say hello to my audience.”

Gus grabs Locky in a headlock.

“You see folks, we’re getting along just fine. I’m not denying that some eyebrows were raised when Bruno Cullen announced I would be the new Broncos coach, but they were mostly on ugly, one-eyed, no-brained Queensland rednecks. Come and tell the folks what’s it like, being coached by old Gus?”

“Well, Coach, it’s kinda different. The last coach hardly said boo, just mumbled a lot, but whatever you did manage to pick up made perfect sense. Whereas …”

“Whereas I’m not afraid to speak up and tell it like it is, baby! There will be no surly silences on my watch! No cowardly walk out the side door of the airports if my team loses - which they seldom do and not for long or I bone ’em quicker than Old Everywhere Eddie!

"Darren, while I’ve got you here, would you mind sharing your thoughts on my applying to coach New South Wales this season in the light of another lucky Queensland 3-0 series sweep. You were used to being coached at club level by the state coach – whether Wayne was officially State of Origin coach or not – so it should be no big deal.”

“Er … gee, Coach, I really don’t know what to say.”

“There you have from the great, but not as good as Joey was, Darren Lockyer – he’s shocked and awed by me. Just keep tuning in to see me put my red hot brand on the Broncos - right where it hurts.”

Darren woke up from his worst nightmare screaming. Then he went to training and found out that there are worse things in life than Gus.

Bruno made the announcement at training that afternoon that the new coach was … Brian Smith.