Welcome to the latest in-depth, X-ray-like interview of a body part belonging to a famous sports person.

Today we have called in a vet vivisector to peel back the leg ligaments of the most famous Bronco to bring you: I Am Darren Lockyer’s Wonky Knee.

The Spray: “How are the hot mustard packs working, now that you have the leg brace off?”

Darren Lockyer’s Knee: “Pretty good, mate, I’ll be right to play in game one of the season and I’m looking forward to making my international debut later in the year.”

TS: “Hang on, I know you got a bad knock in that game against the Cowboys last seasons, but you are an integral part of the Australian skipper … or you were until Cameron Smith came along as the Kangaroo’s inspirational replacement.”

DLK: “Haven’t you heard mate … I’ll be putting on the knee guard this year in the World Cup for the Kiwis – though I’m not too sure how I’ll stand up to those squats during the haka.”

TS: “Why… that would be mutiny!”

DLK: “Don’t know about that … I’m just following orders. Coach says he wants me and the rest of Locky to turn out for New Zealand to help make him look good … as well as trying to turn league into an international spectacle, rather than a joke.”

TS: “Ahh! Would that be super Kiwi coach Wayne Bennett?”

DLK: “It would.”

TS: “Tell me, how does a bit of bone and gristle that grew up being grazed and bruised on the dusty paddocks of Roma, become eligible for New Zealand selection?”

DLK: “You obviously haven’t been to a World Cup – anything is possible, including the ridiculously remote possibility that Nathan Fein’s grandmother actually did live in Wanganui, rather than having just heard of it vaguely on Getaway once.

“Look, I’m a ridgy didge Kiwi now. As part of the operation to overhaul my aching anterior cruciate ligament, the Coach had Doc Meyers chuck in a bit of junk DNA from Gary “Wiz” Freeman. Something the plucky ex-NZ skipper wouldn’t miss.”

TS: “Like what?”

DLK: “I think my ACL is held together by his brain cells – they’re dead of course. Funny thing is though, I been having strange thoughts – like changing my name to Murray, getting myself a border collie and skipping the pre-season games for sheep dog trials. Anyway, they can test me all they like because I now have genuine Kiwi genetic make-up.”

TS: “Will you be enough to make a difference to a Kiwi side thrashed by the Poms?”

DLK: “Coach is on a recruiting drive. He’s managed to round up Penrith Petero, who it turns out has a great grandfather who once spent a wild night on the town in Auckland and might have sewn a few wild oats.

“As well he’s talked Special K into coming across the Ditch – his heart maybe in Brisbane but his head belongs to coach. Tunza Carroll, has already been there and done that, so he’s onboard for the Cup with us.

“Brent Tate has had a triple-jaw bypass using DNA from Benji Marshall’s 17th shoulder reconstruction left overs, so he’s sweet to play and his brother-in-law Pricey has been playing for the Warriors for so long, he actually has gone native – he has a bikini pin up of PM Helen Clark inside his locker door.”

TS: “Well, good luck with the miraculous recovery.”