There are plenty of sports jocks out there right now wincing in pain – none more so than Broncos’ Peter Wallace who watched Mitch Pearce go around in Origin III last night while trying to come to grips with his ruptured testicle.

No matter what the outcome ... that’s got to make the eyes water.

Then there’s Little Lleyton, whose state of health sums up Aussie men’s tennis right now, flat-lining.

Hewitt probably thinks those shooting pains in the hip, while losing for the 11th (or is it 12th?) time to that impossibly nice pain in the butt, Roger Federer, is nothing compared to Bec blabbing to some women’s mag about how they are both looking forward to changing nappies again. Pity the new dad-to-be was not toilet-mouth trained.

And then Lote will be writhing with pain at not being able to have another crack at a French rugby side more innocuous than the Reds. His knee has gone out in sympathy with Locky’s and that of the only totalled anterior cruciate that can win a golfing major ... Tiger Wood’s torn tendon.

But here at The Spray we really know how to hurt a guy who lives for all things seriously sporting. Sunshine Coast Daily sports editor Paul Munnings groans at the very mention of one of the strange but truly revealing biological interviews that this column conducts like a literary lobotomy.

Inspired by the Reader’s Digest informative interviews like I Am Joe’s Kidney, here is I Am Jana Rawlinson’s Dodgy Second Toe on Her Right Foot.

The Spray: “Thank you for hobbling in here so close to your Olympics melodrama – you’ve been able to sideline Jana now for nine months. That’s quite impressive.

“You could prove a bigger obstacle than those pesky hurdles, plus the knee reconstruction Jana had before the Athens farce and her baby.”

Dodgy Toe: “Well, I just think knee injuries get far too much of the limelight.

"Not many of us toes get recognised for much more trauma than a mild tinea, but I’ve set about changing all that.

“My crook cartilage has thrown Jana right off balance – which is exactly where she likes to be before each Olympics.

“I’ve actually been able to send associated shooting pains right through here Achilles tendon.

“With just a little wiggle on, I’ve been able to bring the reigning 400m hurdles world champion to heel.”

TS: “That’s terribly unsporting of you. The poor woman’s endured the embarrassment of Athens, the agony of child birth to get back on top of the world?

“What’s to be gained by failing her when she needs you most?”

DT: “Well from a personal view, I hope my discomfort will make her throw off those horribly restrictive runners – I’d love for her and me to take on the world at Beijing a la Zola Budd – barefoot.

“I’d really like to be free of these bunions and even the Chinese smog is like a breath of fresh air compared to life inside a sweat sock.

“As for Jana … well she is the drama queen of the track. So I’ve eased up on her and she gets to compete in another heart-stopping, roller coaster race to be ready for the Olympics.”

TS: “Can she win?”

DT: “Only if she toes my line. See you in the headlines. There should be a couple of doozies coming along. But nothing we can’t hurdle.”