Dateline: Saturday, July 12, 08 – 72 hours before Jonathan Thurston’s wonky knee handed the Cowboys the NRL wooden spoon.

Cowboys coach Ian Millward sits at the after-game press conference in Auckland positively beaming.

A village idiot could not be happier. His side has just crumbled to the Warriors 24-14, but he is actually whistling what sounds like ‘Hi Ho, It’s Off to Work I Go’ under his breath.

The questioning begins.

“So Ian where to from now … the Auckland Harbour Bridge via the anvil shop?”

“No, no, I’m just going to rush back to hotel room and watch the match video of Johnathan Thurston. Wasn’t he magnificent out there ... why even playing with a collapsed groin, he was still the best player in the world! An absolute freak.”

“But Ian…”

“No ... no buts about it –despite playing on one leg and no shoulders, he was miles above everyone else there … a privilege to watch. The way he set up those two tries in the second half after throwing a dummy from the back of the medivac buggy – no one else could do that. And he can only get better for us once we get him fitted with a surgical truss."

“Ian we all know Thursto is a great player ... but the Cows have just lost 10 games on the canter. The only person remotely connected to the club who could be happy with that is Graham Murray.”

“Picky, picky, picky. What about the positives! I thought Matty Bowen was absolutely brilliant for us tonight ... along with Charlie Webb, Jacob Lillyman and Justin Smith. Their contribution ... though not reflected on the scoreboard, was a credit to them and can only do good things for the team. Luke O’Donnell was another real goer for us.”

“Ian ... are you okay? You’re not on any medication are you?”

“Never been better.”

“Well, you’re not making a lot of sense ... all those players you just mentioned didn’t even play ... they’re either out injured or suspended.”

“But they were there with us in spirit and Jacob even cut up the oranges for us at halftime ... these players just by their very presence in the stands, crutches in hand, lend a great deal to overall performance of the team. All in all ... things are looking up for the side. We’ve got Billy Johnstone coming back for us, eventually, and right now as we speak our CEO is in talks with Wendell Sailor to jump ship from St George and sign up with us.

"He should be a sensation bursting on to the ball on the wing for the Young Guns. And the Pope is in town he’s praying for us. I think we’re still a chance for really good things to happen for us this year. If JT can just keep breathing, I think we can turn the corner.”

“Ian, what if I was to say to you the sky is falling.”

“You’ve noticed that too?”

“The earth is getting hotter.”

“Not, where I’m standing.”

“The earth is actually round?”

“It was flat last time I looked.”

“Petrol prices will stay under $2 a litre.”

“Of course they will. I just bought a V8.”

“What if I was to say you were out of touch with reality.”

“No, I watch Big Brother.”

“Speaking of which, you’re now about as popular as Kyle Sandilands.”

“Muzza, Neil Henry and I are his biggest fans ... do you think we can get a gig next season as intruders?”