Here is the sports news. Greg Norman’s amazing return to form in the British Open is set to have an unexpected windfall for the world economy.

It seems that golfers on every continent over 50 are rediscovering how to swing by divorcing their wives.

Economists predict that the ensuing divorce settlements, plus a whole new wave of cashed-up lawyers will spark a massive surge in condo investments.

Norman has declared his union with Ms Evert as better than a certain male stimulant.

“Tiger Woods might have had old Butchy Harmon to kickstart his career, but I got Chrissy … why hell, old Butch just messes with your head and hand grip, but Chris, God bless her cute butt, goes the whole hog. I feel like a kid in a candy store again and I could end up wham-bam winning a Grand Slam.”

To rugby league, and in light of the Gasnier defection to French rugby, it has been revealed that the code is up for sale.

International rugby consultant Eddie Jones is negotiating with several oil sheiks for the Arab Emirates to buy the NRL and move it offshore to play a hybrid game, involving some camel riding.

Darren Lockyer, refused to confirm or deny he would be playing next year for the Dubai Dromedaries, formerly the Brisbane Broncos, but a sure give away is that Buck the club mascot has grown a hump, started spitting and is hard to handle. Or is that Wayne Bennett?

“Mate, the price of petrol is not getting cheaper, and the offer of your own personal oil rig, plus free unleaded for life, makes a bloke think.”

Hundreds of thousands of true believers have surged over Sydney Harbour bridge to kiss the feet of his Holiness, barely noticing the Pope.

That’s right, Robbie Deans proved he is the new rugby Messiah, by crossing the harbour on foot without the aid of a ferry after slaying the Boks.

Cycling fans were shocked that no riders were ejected from the Tour de France for testing positive to banned substances, while Cadel Evans was stripped of his yellow jersey and told to exfoliate his eyebrow because his bushy brow was turning off the fussy French viewers.

French gendarmes insist he undergo a course of testosterone so he no longer sounds like a jockey who has snagged something in his saddle.

The Sheffield Shield will make a return to Australian domestic cricket next season. Pity there will be no-one above park grade standard to contest it as they are all in India playing IPL hit and giggle.