The country that gave the world the raunchy Kama Sutra – India – is now blowing up big about those saucy Washington Redskins dancers gyrating their bare bits as cricket becomes an obscene Bollywood IPL tragedy.

I’m told by Google that the Kama Sutra is not just a lot of strange positions men and women can find themselves in if the Twenty20 action does not arouse.

It is a blueprint for living and loving, said one of the sites, which was keen to sign me up for some very full-on experiences. The “loving” part must be working, because at last count it had procreated more than one billion Indians … all seemingly keen to get their jollies from cricket’s equivalent of the wham bam, thank you Mumbai quickie.

Some Indian pollies are in a lather over the Redskins, describing them as “worse than bar dancers”.

So what has all this got to do with cricket, you well may ask? After observing the obscenities that started with the IPL auctions of cricket’s most desirable “flesh”, to the opening ceremony of the most hard-core sporting exploitation on TV, I wonder the same thing.

Like sex, IPL sells, but a condom doesn’t offer you any protection. And I’m trying to think of that vulgar name for the those who peddle themselves to whichever Sugar Daddy has the deepest pockets. I think it rhymes with four.

Here are some excerpts of the Kama Zooter – the Art of Loving Twenty20. It is a rip-off of the 1970s new age Desiderata, dedicated to Harbhajan Singh.

“Go wild out in the middle amid the tempting noise and slap face. And remember when seeking release with violent outbursts, always silence those who spurn your advances. Be a rudie serial offender, and talk dirty with ribald curses. Just tell yourself the Aussies love it.

“Flaunt yourself quite flagrantly and never be coy or modest. How do you think Ricky Ponting got to be captain of the world’s best exhibitionists? You may be vain and bitter, but always remember everyone loves to love a winner.

“Give loud and aggressive Aussies the come on, that should be easier with your series ban – just lead them on from the stands.

“And always remember, you are a love child of cricket’s new universe, granted you’re worth less than some other IPL star turns, but you believe you have a right to be in their faces.

“And whether or not it is clear to you, the IPL universe is as inviting as a Warnie text message. So after you’ve sold your soul for cheap thrills, what’s it like to have a $850,000 cold shower?”