It’s that time of year again when every league fan’s soul is filled with a renewed sense of optimism, hoping this is the year their favourite team can lift the premiership trophy.

Unfortunately, reality then hits with the impact of an anvil in a Looney Tunes cartoon and most of us realise that our mob have next to no chance of doing the lap of honour on grand final day.

Here’s the reasons why your club CAN’T win the NRL title. (Don’t bother sending cranky emails, letter bombs, etc, because I’m on holidays as of today – I thought I would get all the negativity out of the way before I write the “Why your club CAN win the NRL title” column this Wednesday.)

Brisbane Broncos: The loss of Petero Civoniceva to the Panthers and Brent Tate to the Warriors is astronomical. I rate Petero’s replacement Joel Clinton about as highly as non-alcoholic beer.

Bulldogs: Geez, more choices here than the Great Australian Ice Creamery. No halfback, front office is a rabble, the loss of Willie Mason to the Roosters, Sonny Bill’s vulnerability to injury... is that enough?

Canberra: Playmaker Todd Carney will be distracted with contract negotiations, plus the roster is (sigh) among the weakest in the comp.

North Queensland: No Thurston for the first five or six weeks will most likely leave them with too much room to make up.

Manly: Have recruited players whose best days are behind them (re Josh Perry and David Vaealiki).

Melbourne: No one has won back-to-back premierships since the Broncos in 1992-93. And Ben Cross will be a bigger loss than people think.

Newcastle Knights: Andrew Johns is retired, isn’t he?

Parramatta: Give us a C. Give us a H. Give us an O. Give us a K. Give us an E. What does it spell?

Penrith: Their halves have less depth than a conversation with Britney Spears.

Cronulla: They haven’t managed to win a premiership since they joined the comp in 1967. Don’t have the roster to change that.

South Sydney: The last time Craig Wing played halfback regularly, the original Gladiators was on TV.

St George-Illawarra: See Parramatta above. Four grand final losses in the ’90s alone doesn’t fill you with optimism.

Sydney Roosters: Braith Anasta had a great season at five-eighth last year, but halfback Mitchell Pearce is too experienced to guide them to a title just yet.

New Zealand Warriors: If Steve Price gets injured, the Kiwis are in big trouble. And they’re like a Will Ferrell movie – when they’re good they’re unbelievable, but when they’re bad ...

Wests Tigers: Benji’s shoulders are more fragile than the feelings of the Indian cricket team.

Gold Coast: Injuries to key players in the second half of last year badly exposed the Titan’s lack of depth.