Funny things happen in the newspaper game.

Take the other day, for example, when we got a call-out to the scene of a dog killing.

I know, it’s not the usual cheery topic I like to cover, but bear with me on this one.

Apparently, two young boys were playing footy in the park when one of them was attacked by a vicious beast – one of those big, slobbering dogs that would rip your throat out in a flash.

When our reporter got to the scene, witnesses told him that while one boy was being attacked, his young friend had ripped a paling off a nearby fence, wedged it down the dog’s collar and twisted it, breaking the dog’s neck and saving his young mate.

Our reporter rang the office all excited and the boss told him to grab the young hero for an interview and photo.

“I can see the headline now,” he said, “Young Broncos fan saves friend from vicious animal”.

About five minutes later, the reporter rang back.

“Boss,” he said. “The kid’s not a Broncos fan.”

“Never mind,” said the boss, “I just assumed that every youngster around here supported the Broncos.

“I’ll rewrite the headline to say ‘Brisbane Lions fan rescues friend from horrific attack’.”

He barely had time to get the front page redrawn before the phone rang. “Sorry boss,” said the reporter. “The kid reckons he follows Collingwood.”

“For God’s sake,” the boss roared. “I’ll just play it safe and stick with the State of Origin. How about ‘Young Maroons supporter risks life in heroic rescue’?”

“Boss, you’re a genius,” said the reporter, but not two minutes later he was back on the phone again, sounding like he was about to cry.

“Boss,” he cried. “The kids are both from Sydney. They hate the Broncos, curse the Lions and cheer for the Blues in State of Origin. It’s disgusting.”
“Never mind son,” said the editor. “I’ll take care of it.”

The next morning our young reporter rushed out to get a copy of the paper and there was his story on the front page with a picture of the two kids under the banner headline:

“Little redneck cockroach vandalises fence and kills beloved family pet”.

Okay, so it never really happened, but as a NSW supporter in the middle of Maroon territory I’m feeling a bit sheepish about the whole State of Origin thing – you blokes are leading 2-0, in case you haven’t heard – so I revert to humour to hide my pain.

I watched the last Origin game at the pub in the middle of a very parochial crowd, so I wore neutral colours and kept my head down.

I may have even faked a “Queenslander” cheer at one stage.

While I drew the line at wearing something maroon, there were times I wished I was in disguise.

And, finally, I come to the point of why I have lowered the tone of my weekly ranting by discussing sport – “at last”, I hear you say.

Well, I was flicking through some obscure magazine the other day when I found an article about dog disguises.

Apparently, there are a lot of people who own great big, slobbering canines, but don’t want anyone to know because of the misconception they’re all vicious.

Now some genius has come up with doggie disguises so they can walk the streets without fear of being publicly stoned.

I’m not kidding.

You can buy these coat sort of things to put on your dog so everyone thinks your rottweiler is a poodle, or your doberman is actually a cute little corgi.

I swear it’s true. There were photos of this great big German shepherd wearing a poodle coat ... curly hair, fake nose and all.

It was sort of sick, sad and funny, all at the same time.

I’m sure it will fool some people, but the moment a 60kg, one-metre tall poodle starts chewing on your leg you’re going to start thinking something isn’t quite right.

If I can just track down the manufacturers in time, I think I’ll head for the pub disguised as a dog for the final State of Origin.

Something masculine, yet inoffensive. Friendly, yet not so cute a Queensland fan will hit on me. Maybe an Australian terrier or a boxer. Even a labrador.

That way, not only will I not stand out as a NSW fan, I’ll be able to drink out of the toilet bowl and pee on the furniture.

I should fit right in.