Don’t you just love this internet thingy?

Fair dinkum, it just opens up a whole new world of information and stuff.

It seems like only the other day I was flicking through my Funk and Wagnall’s every time I needed to find something (yes, children, that’s really what they were called) and now I can just push a button and there’s lots of interesting stuff.

But the main reason I like the internet thingy is because one of the five or six people who read this column will sometimes find something interesting and send it to me with a pleading note which says something like: "Hi Damian, I’m a really big fan and it would be a big honour if you’d use this really, really interesting stuff I found on the internet."

That’s not exactly how this little snippet came to my attention but when I saw that it came from my mate Sheila Robinson, I knew it was going to be good.

I must admit I’ve taken a bit of a liberty calling Sheila “my mate" because we’ve never actually met.

But I have a lot of respect for her for a couple of reasons.

1. She reads this column, which puts her in a select group of very special people with extremely good taste and high IQs.

2. She is married to local rugby league/hotel industry identity (and fellow blog writer) Ashley Robinson which, although it appears to fly in the face of my previous comment about good taste, means the woman must be an absolute saint.

And so ... drumroll, please ... over to Sheila on this week’s topic: "Why men are happier than women."

Nicknames: If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Matt, Dave and Stuart go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four Eyes.

Back stabbing: If one of the girls leaves the table to go to the toilet, her two friends will immediately begin talking about her. If one of the boys goes to the toilet, it will be about 10 minutes before the other two even realise he’s not there any more.

If he doesn’t come back after an hour, they’ll decide he’s either bumped into an old girlfriend (in which case he’s on his own) or got lost (again, every man for himself).

Eating out: When the bill arrives, Matt , Dave and Stuart will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

Money: A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

Bathrooms: A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap and a towel from Coles.

The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337 and a man would not be able to identify 20.

Arguments: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Success: A successful man makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Marriage: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

Dressing up: A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Offspring: A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

You’re right.

There’s nothing funny about any of that (except the backstabbing piece, which is my own addition).

The rest is mindless, sexist dribble and you should be ashamed of yourself Sheila.

And don’t try blaming Ashley.

The man’s a saint.

“Damian,” he once said to me, “a married man should forget his mistakes because there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.”

I rest my case.