My old man taught me many things before I grew old enough to think I knew everything but the one which has stuck in my mind is the need to be able to shake hands properly.

None of this mamby-pamby wet fish sort of handshake.

Look ’em in the eye and give them a firm shake that says: “You can trust me, I’m a man with a firm handshake.”

If a male relative or family friend came around, we’d be made to shake their hand.

If we got it wrong, we’d have to do it again.

Too strong and you’re trying too hard to impress. Too soft and the world thinks you’re a sook.

But the lessons of our childhood stuck with us and we’ve all got the firm, confident handshakes of insurance salesmen.

And then I read the handshake is on the way out, replaced by a diverse choice of greetings.

It seems we might have to learn a whole new way of greeting or risk becoming social outcasts.

And some of them are fine.

Like the clasp, where the participants’ hands are grasped in the same position you would use for an arm wrestle.

To my mind, not a bad sort of shake and more personal than the traditional handshake.

It enables the participants to maintain eye contact and is best used among friends as it requires closer body contact than the traditional shake.

But body contact can go too far.

Take the manhug, for example.

It grew in popularity during the 1980s when men started to discover their softer side.

Those participating in the manhug keep their hands open, indicating they are no threat. The body contact implies a certain level of affection and intimacy, but in a non-sexual way.

According to experts, patting on the back shows affection through hitting. It says: “I love you, mate, but not in that way.”

Just for the record, I don’t do the manhug.

So don’t try. Okay?

Then there’s the high five – a move developed in the US in the 1970s and perfected by sporting stars worldwide.

To my mind, a great way of celebrating success on the sporting field but downright embarrassing when used as an everyday greeting or a show of enthusiasm in a sales meetings.

Because it is a quick, spontaneous move, there is also the inherent danger of missing with your attempted slap and looking sillier than you were already going to.

I think I did the high-five once after a sporting victory.

I never won anything again and so had no need to repeat it.

Also perfected on the sporting field is the chest bump, where participants throw their arms back and bounce off each others’ chests.

The experts reckon it says: “I want to be close, but I’m not feminine.”

But even when used on the sporting field I reckon it says: “I am a goose looking for attention.”

Hilarious when a big man chest bumps a small one, causing serious injuries, but downright silly apart from that.

Off the sporting field, chest bumpers should wear a sign warning others that they are complete idiots and should be avoided at all costs.

Another growing trend is the “dap” or fist bump, which was born in the Vietnam War and originally included lots of other fancy moves before time distilled it to single fist bump.

You simply raise your hand as if making a traditional handshake, but make a fist and bump the other bloke’s fist head-on.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it?

But watch the mayhem when a “dapper” meets a “high-fiver” – it’s not only awkward but presents a real risk of being cut by flying jewellery.

And that’s about it.

Apart from the butt slap.

Which is seriously out of order in any social circle.

And I’ve deliberately avoided mentioning the peace sign because it’s not really a form of handshake, is it?

More of a signal, really.

And all hell breaks loose if you get it back-to-front when saying hello to someone.

Which I did once.

But that’s another story.